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Summary[edit | edit source]
Characters[edit | edit source]
- Sixth Doctor
- Peri Brown
- The Master
- Shockeye of the Quawncing Grig
- Doctor Kildare
- Tommy's mother
- The Doctor's first ex-wife
- The Doctor's second ex-wife
- The Doctor's third ex-wife
- Mary Whitewash
References[edit | edit source]
- If the show was produced by CBS out would go the tatty telephone box and in its place the American Telephone Company tower block.
- If the show was produced by Doctor Kildare it would see Kildare treat Daleks and Cybermen. Tommy's mother states that Kildare cured Tommy's metal fatigue "just like that" and Tommy asks how experienced he is with feet.
- If the show was produced by Star Trek, the TARDIS doors would need to be widened to account for the five hundred crew members.
- For production of Captain Scarlet, the Master has shrunk down the Doctor and the TARDIS with his Tissue Compression Eliminator. One producer comments that they have never had such life-like puppets before.
- What would happen every time the cloister bell rang if The Addams Family were in charge is imagined.
- If the producers of Dynasty took over the Daleks as the Doctor's number one enemies would be replaced by his three ex-wives.
- In Gallifreyan Street, the Doctor completely refuses the notion of doing a double act with Vera Duckworth just because they have the same hairstyle. Another man in the pub asks Betty for a second pint.
- After Mary Whitewash takes over, she forbids shots of Peri from below the neck because viewers under sixty years of age could be watching.
- If the producers of James Bond took over they would make the TARDIS as gadget-ridden as 007's cars. A Cyberman is forcibly ejected from the TARDIS via the roof and the Doctor is called "Q".
- If Shockeye took over Delia Smith's Cooking Course one of the meals he would make would be Gallifreyan goulash which contains two Time Lords as ingredients.
Notes[edit | edit source]
- Mary Whitewash is a blatant caricature of long-time series critic, promoter of Conservative values, and censorship enthusiast Mary Whitehouse.
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