The Lost Diaries of Winston Spencer Churchill was a short story released within The Brilliant Book 2011. Featuring brief snippets from the recently-discovered journal of Winston Churchill, it illustrated various encounters of the man with the Doctor, all written by Churchill himself. As a unique tactic to both shorten the texts and add a realistic touch, many of the stories feature redacted passages.
[entry begins mid-story] What Winston still believes to be a crocodile runs off with the "sausages." This makes the Punch and Judi man very angry. The Judi and Punch man is very tall with a long scarf, and he calls young Winston "Winnie." Churchill notes "I liked him." The Punch and Judi man runs after the crocodile and smashes it with a stick, because it is not a crocodile but a "sibermatt." Shortly after this, the Punch and Judi box disappears and the "goggle man" is gone. Young Churchill notes in his diary "It was a good birthdee."
A young Churchill is annoyed by the concept of learning Latin, and has been sent to a special teacher who is tucked away in a little cubby hole behind the Big Hall. Churchill finds him to be very strange, but considers him to be very wise and has a gift for communication. His clothes are "shambolic," and the other Masters tend to glance at him when they see him. Churchill notes, however, that "it does not matter if one's trousers are a little too short, what matters is character. And this fellow has it in spades."
In a conversation one morning, the Doctor explains to Churchill that "Mensa means table." When asked why Mensa also means "O table," the Doctor responds "Ah well. You would use that when you were addressing the table." When Churchill laughs, the Doctors frowns and notes "You never know when it might be very, very important to address a table in Latin."
Churchill is sad to note that when he arrives the next day, there is no sign of the little man, and no one is sure where he has gone.
Turning 21, Churchill is happy to discover a box of fine Cuban Cigars left by a stranger. Looking forwards to trying out the Tobacco product, he is shocked when a thin man in spectacles and a brown stuit glides in through a window and splashes him with water, commandeering the cigars while muttering about "Sontaran grenades" and "destabilising history." He exits the room without a word, before popping his head back in to quip "Nice to see you again, Winnie!" Winston feels a rush of childhood nostalgia, and he doesn't know why.
Winston takes a stroll by the River Nile, which he notes is beautiful despite the oppressive heat. As he begins to drink, he falls into an argument with a lanky, beak-nosed cove in a ruffled shirt about what is the best form of defending ones-self. The two briefly fight physically. After a few more drinks they become "firm friends," and [redacted]
Churchill is shocked to discover a tall wooden box which looks familiar. Although not sure if triggered by the wine, he becomes sure that it is the same set of doors that lead to his teacher's cubby-hole in prep school. [redacted] rooms within rooms, and a mighty engine, [redacted] is called the "Tardis," and it can travel through time and space. [redacted] to the Great Pyramid of Cheops, at which point [redacted] the very last of the Osirians was no more!
Home Secretary Churchill is bitter after being ridiculed for visiting the Siege of Sidney Street. He authorities the Scots Guards to come in the aide of the police. As he waits for their arrival, he takes a smoke break. He soon hears a grinding racket, and realises that the Doctor's blue box is in the alleyway. As an old man exits the box, Churchill remembers that the Doctor has a disagreeable habit of changing his face. The man stares at Churchill for a few moments, before stepping forwards and saying it was a very great pleasure to meet him. Churchill informs him that they have met before, causing the old man to note "That is the trouble with time travel!" [redacted] a Thrassalian raiding party, afterwards incinerated in the inferno which swept Sidney Street. [redacted]
Churchill is at work on his book. His wife Clementine comes to ask if he will join her for dinner and he curtly refuses, which he later regrets. The current chapter he is writing is proving particularly difficult; trying to put himself in the mind of his illustrious ancestor Lord Marlborough, but he is being continually distracted. Churchill secretly fears his best days are behind him and he can never match Marlborough's greatness. As Churchill gazes over his estate [redacted] fair-haired and pleasant lad, beaming at him like an idiot. Churchill says it's too early in the year for cricket, but then it hits him. This is the Doctor in another of his curious fancy dress outfits! [redacted] the field of Blenheim itself! The roar of the cannon is near deafening as Churchill and the Doctor throw themselves under the scant foliage to protect themselves from Marshal Tallard's onslaught. Churchill is struck with wonder at being on this great battlefield and seeing, in the flesh, his ancestor [redacted]. He won't ever be able to eat celery again.
Baldwin goes to see the King and states it's his irrevocable decision to marry Mrs. Simpson! Churchill is reluctant to back him to the hilt. Not long before the Doctor telephoned him to say Mrs. Simpson is 'a shape-shifting alien from Verrossikon Prime' as a result the King has a nasty surprise coming on his wedding night!
Churchill is much buoyed by the Doctor's recent appearance, despite looking very wet behind the ears, Churchill admits the bow tie was a very good choice. He also wishes the Doctor had left him with Professor Bracewell's Spitfires! The Professor (or the Paisley Pinocchio as Miss Pond called him) had been converting the aeroplanes for some time using a 'gravity bubble' something his former masters had devised. Churchill feels a little concerned Bracewell is at large and worries if the Daleks regain control of him. Churchill thinks he might track him down and put him to use with the other boffins, Bracewell would be jolly useful at Bletchley Park w[redacted] Turing gave a great cry and said [redacted].
[redacted] the Princesses having left the room Churchill finds himself alone to contemplate this extraordinary evening. Victory! Victory at last. Suddenly the familiar melancholy sweeps over him, the Black Dog. What lies ahead of him now? Churchill turns to see a figure at the door, expecting it to be His Majesty. Instead he sees a rough looking fellow with wing-nut ears and a leather jacket. 'Get your coat, Winston. Time for another trip.' The Doctor has come to cheer him up. They find the familiar blue box parked in [redacted] and not merely to Rome but Ancient Rome! [redacted] there in the court of Emperor Tiberius himself. Churchill marvels at meeting some sort of alien creature disguised as one of the Emperor's reclining benches [redacted]. 'O, table!' says Churchill and the Doctor winks at him. 'Told you!' he smiles.
- Winston Churchill
- Fair-haired and pleasant Lad
- Clementine Churchill
- Lord Marlborough
- Marshal Tallard
- Winston Churchill
- Fellow with wing-nut ears and a leather jacket
- Emperor Tiberius
- Shape shifting alien
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