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Dr Philemon Smallcoate was an 18th century English anthropologist who studied the natives of Queen Anne Island for 5 years while also providing medical assistance. He was familiar with the cultures of the Hawaiians, Mayakai, and Ainu.

Smallcoate's research into the Queen Anne islanders resulted in him getting too knowledgeable about the Thaumoctopus memeticus, with the result that his brain became a T. memeticus. Before Smallcoate could return to England on the Probity it used his bone-saw to neatly cut off the top of his head and make its escape. His corpse was found and examined by Archibald Hammock, Mason, and Tankerville.

Smallcoate's half-moon spectacles were acquired by Stendec and psychometrically examined by Mace. (PROSE: T.memeticus: A Morphology)

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