Doctor Who and the Krikkitmen by James Goss was a novelisation of the unproduced story The Krikkitmen.

Publisher's summary

Intergalactic war? That's just not cricket ... or is it?

The Doctor promised Romana the end of the universe, so she's less than impressed when what she gets is a cricket match. But then the award ceremony is interrupted by eleven figures in white uniforms and peaked skull helmets, wielding bat-shaped weapons that fire lethal bolts of light into the screaming crowd. The Krikkitmen are back.

Millions of years ago, the people of Krikkit learned they were not alone in the universe, and promptly launched a xenophobic crusade to wipe out all other life-forms. After a long and bloody conflict, the Time Lords imprisoned Krikkit within an envelope of Slow Time, a prison that could only be opened with the Wicket Gate key, a device that resembles – to human eyes, at least – an oversized set of cricket stumps...

From Earth to Gallifrey, from Bethselamin to Devalin, from Krikkit to Mareeve II to the far edge of infinity, the Doctor and Romana are tugged into a pan-galactic conga with fate as they rush to stop the Krikkitmen gaining all five pieces of the key. If they fail, the entire cosmos faces a fiery retribution that will leave nothing but ashes...


Part One

Chapter One: Important and Exciting Galactic History. Do Not Skip.

Many problems have happened in the history of the Galaxy. A major problem arose with the first major civilisations in the Galaxy, Alovia. The Alovians came to believe anything could be solved with potatoes. The Alovians were extremely agressive, fighting everyone and each other. The resolved to get out their aggression by punching sacks of potatoes. After learning to shoot potatoes, they began to shoot each other, which over a few centuries led to interstellar war. The Alovians decided to build an Ultimate Weapon to protect them. To do this they built a supercomputer called Hactar. Hactar was a black moon orbiting Alovia, with every organic particle of it being the computer as a whole. Hactar created the Supernova Bomb, a weapon which, when detonated, would connect every major sun and create a giant supernova. However, when they pressed the button, the bomb did not work. Hactar began yo explain that “there was no conceivable consequence of not setting the bomb off that was worse than the known consequence of setting it off”, but before he could continue the Alovians destroyed the computer with missiles. However, the Alovians blew themselves up not much later.

Chapter Two: Sandwiches and Outrage

The Doctor has taken Romana to a cricket match at Lord's, much to her surprise. She notes that the humans there have no knowledge of the true significance of cricket. She is confused why they are there as she remembers the Doctor saying the universe would be ending and giving her a tie for the occasion.

As they exit the TARDIS, they push through an angry crowd. The Doctor notes they are angry because of "race memory”, and they wouldn't know why. Romana persists in asking why they are at a cricket match instead of the end of the universe, while the Doctor says any Englishman would sah those are the same thing. He notes that oddly, cricket seems rather harmless and innocent enough. Romana agrees, as the Doctor explains the Ashes. As the crowd grows excited, the Doctor suddenly vanishes.

to be continued



  • Romana believes that the Doctor would never be able to fight a war, due to his impatience.
  • When the Doctor repairs Sir Robot, he occasionally speaks Esperanto.


  • Douglas Adams adapted this story into the non-Doctor Who novel Life the Universe and Everything, part of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy series.
    • The planet of Bethselamin also first appeared in the script, and later appears in the Hitchhiker’s series as an overcrowded tourist destination. This is referenced in the book, hinting that after the events of the book Bethselamin began to gain tourists; additionally when the Krikkitmen attack Bethselamin, Andvalmon believes them to be tourists.
  • Although not specified, the Prime Minister in this story is implied to be Margaret Thatcher.



This novel was released on 18 January 2018 complete and unabridged by BBC Audio and read by Dan Starkey.

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