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prose stub

Beige Planet Mars was the sixteenth Virgin Bernice Summerfield New Adventures novel. It featured Bernice Summerfield and Jason Kane. This was the first novel to feature excerpts of Jason Kane's xenopornography literature based on his experiences first mentioned in Death and Diplomacy.

Publisher's summary[]

"Professor Summerfield, your very presence here has raised this hotel's insurance premiums by seven point two percent."

It is the year 2595. Mars, once the distant target of humanity's ambitions in space, has been colonised for five hundred years. To mark the anniversary, the planet's university is holding an academic conference. Naturally, esteemed expert on Martian archaeology Bernice Summerfield is invited to present a paper based on her long career in this field.

But other matters distract Bernice from academia. Decades ago, hostile aliens invaded Mars. At their moment of greatest need, Mars' human population was betrayed by its leader. And although the occupation was swiftly ended, the anger of those who fought to save Mars still runs deep.

So when a veteran of the war is found dead, old wounds are reopened. Bernice finds herself investigating a murder with the least reliable of allies — and soon discovers that the consequences of the Siege of Mars are far from being ancient history.

Chapter titles[]

  • Prologue: World of the Wars
  1. Planet of War
  2. Lobby Politics
  3. On the Internal Dynamics of Parties
  4. Wake Up, Sweet Benny
  5. The Past Catches Up
  6. Interlewd
  7. Drunk in Charge of an Imbecile
  8. Kane Unable
  9. Whizz Kids and Gratuitous Nudity
  10. Pensioner Mugged by Lizard
  11. Benny Comes to an Interesting Conclusion
  12. Mutually Assured Destruction
  13. Catch
  14. Implausible Deniability
  15. Fish and Ships
  16. Apocalypse Wow
  • Epilogue: If You're So Rich, Why Aren't You Clever?


to be added




  • According to Jason, Professor Scoblow's tail smells of wood shavings.


  • Christina and Phillip York own YorkCorp (which owns most of Mars), but were facing a hostile takeover by the Bantu Corporation.

Foods and beverages[]


  • Benny has sex with Jason.
  • In the last ten years Benny has rubbed the Droge of Gabrielides up the wrong way when she refused to marry him; insulted the Master of the Fifth Galaxy; and "that business" with Lord Herring on Sqakker's World.
  • During a hangover, Benny recalls using the word "clitoris" on the previous night, but could not remember the context.




  • Xlanthi are mentioned.
  • Jeff Mett was killed by a Chelonian pilot smuggling drugs for genetic disorders. Scoblow and Trinity met on the ice plains of Prashant to discuss Chelonian floral culture.

Titles and offices[]


  • This novel was written basically because Rebecca Levene told Lance Parkin over lunch that they needed a Benny book in six weeks.[1]
  • Parkin has noted about the writing of this novel:

    He (Mark Clapham) had this Benny plot and characters looking for a story and a setting, and I had a Benny story and a setting, but no plot or characters. And we slapped them together and that was Beige Planet Mars. I honestly can't remember who wrote some bits of it. We're on the same wavelength on most things. ... I really enjoyed it, but it was written quickly, it was written when we were both busy with a million other things. And we got to three chapters before the end, and then realised we had not even the slightest clue how to end the book. Which is readily apparent to everyone that's read it.Lance Parkin[2]

  • This novel is referred to in Oliver Morton's factual book, "Mapping Mars". A footnote on page 208 refers to BPM as "...a volume in the interminable 'New Adventures' series of Doctor Who spin-offs...".[3]
  • When Benny attends the opening parts of the conference, there is a reference to the Fourth Doctor, Romana II and K9: "She (Benny) negotiated her way past a curly-haired man, his blonde companion and their robot dog." The story also references the 42nd Doctor and his wife Iffy from Parkin's deleted epilogue to The Dying Days.[4]


External links[]


  1. Graeme Burk (April/May 2001). Interview with Lance Parkin Interview. Outpost Gallifrey. Archived from the original on 2 March 2005. Retrieved on 20 November 2009.
  2. Lance Parkin (01 January 2004). Interview with Lance Parkin. BBC - Doctor Who - News. Archived from the original on 1 July 2010. Retrieved on 24 December 2011.
  3. "Mapping Mars", Oliver Morton, 4th Estate paperback edition, ISBN 1-84115-669-8
  4. Lance Parkin (26 August 2013). Eulogy of the Daleks. Retrieved on 9 April 2019.