Morphology (short story)

Summary
While shopping in Soho, Jo is confronted by three blobby Kobolds: Numbers Two, Forty, and Forty-Two. The Kobolds demand that she tell them all about the Doctor’s TARDIS, but Jo finds that she is having difficulty communicating -- and slowly comes to realise that she can no longer use any vowels other than “o” and sometimes “y”. At UNIT HQ, the Doctor and Sergeant Osgood find that they have the same problem. Osgood is temporarily in charge, and when he tries to contact the rest of the world, he discovers that the problem is widespread. The Doctor, realising who is responsible, takes Osgood to one of his homes away from home to work in peace on a device that will solve the problem; however, he has difficulty communicating with Osgood, and when he storms into the TARDIS in a fit of irritation, he finds that all of the English language’s vowels have returned to him. Meanwhile, the Kobolds reveal to Jo that the TARDIS once materialised briefly on their homeworld, Procyon Two; the three Kobolds who have come to Earth are survivors of the religious wars that ensued.

The Kobolds force Jo to lead them to the Doctor’s hut, where they force their way into the TARDIS -- and in its shock upon seeing the interior, Kobold Forty-Two uses a word with a vowel other than “o,” and thus develops the ability to speak with other vowels. Unfortunately, Osgood then completes his work on the Doctor’s proton box and carries it inside the TARDIS, where it explodes, killing the other two Kobolds. Forty-Two attempts to seize control of the TARDIS, but when the Doctor tells Jo to distract it, Jo points out all of the roundels on the TARDIS walls, and Forty-Two, realising that he’s now surrounded by “o”s, regresses mentally and physically into a simpler life form. The Doctor explains to Jo and Osgood that the TARDIS translation circuits do not in fact translate alien languages within the minds of the travellers; in a typical piece of Time Lord arrogance, they actually reach out and alter the aliens’ language to English. When the Doctor briefly materialised on Procyon Two during one of his failed attempts to escape his exile, the process began but was interrupted, leaving the Kobolds stuck with only the vowels “o” and “y”. When the Kobolds arrived on Earth, the TARDIS was reminded of its unfinished business, but unfortunately spread the effect over the entire Earth until the Kobolds had gone.

Characters

 * Third Doctor
 * Jo Grant

Continuity
While trying to determine who is responsible for these events, the Doctor name-checks the Zygons, Ssorg, and K’to. The Kobolds claim to have encountered Ky of Solos and Lytton while searching for the Doctor. The Doctor’s croft may be the hut depicted in the TV Action series of comics.