Who on Earth is... Beep the Meep (short story)

Who on Earth is... Beep the Meep was a tongue-in-cheek interview with Beep the Meep published in DWM 419, commemorating the 30th anniversary of the character's first appearance in Doctor Who and the Star Beast.

Summary
On his thirtieth birthday, Beep is interviewed by DWM's Ken Book about his life and career.

Plot
Brought in chains from the Wrarth Warriors' dungeon, Beep tells Ken Book he believes this punishment was unfair. When Book mentions he tried to create a black hole around Blackcastle, Beep claims he merely played games with his friends Sharon and Fudge, and that the Doctor framed him when the story was told in Doctor Who Weekly. The courts did not believe his story and he was sentenced to 3000 years in prison. After crying about how he couldn't speak to his grandmother, Beep claims that when he returned to Blackcastle, the Doctor framed him once again and trapped him in a Lassie movie. Beep explains that he would rather not appear on televised Doctor Who, as he does not see it as canonical and would be rendered by CGI. Tricking Ken Book into scratching his ear, he uses his recording device to release a frequency to unlock his cuffs and flee, shooting Book with a laser pistol on the way out.

Characters

 * Beep the Meep
 * Ken Book

Story notes

 * Beep discusses his appearances in the events of Doctor Who and the Star Beast, Star Beast II, Party Animals, TV Action!, and The Ratings War.
 * The interviewer Ken Book is a parody of the writer of the story, Ben Cook.
 * Beep the Meep was listed in the "Thanks to" section of the issue's indicia.