The Well-Mannered War (novel)

The Well-Mannered War was the thirty-third and final novel in the Virgin Missing Adventures series. It was written by Gareth Roberts. It featured the Fourth Doctor, K9 Mark II, Romana II and the Black Guardian. Uniquely, it portrays Romana borrowing articles of clothing from the Doctor's old wardrobe. The ending, where the Doctor defeats the Black Guardian by banishing himself to the Time Vortex, may explain why, in The Leisure Hive, it felt like years had passed for the Doctor and Romana.

Summary
"'Destroy them! Destroy them all - now!'"Barclow - an Earth-type planet on the fringes of space at an inestimably distant point in the future. Two factions claim it: humans from the nearby colony world of Metralubit and a small group of Chelonian troopers. Yet in nearly two hundred years of conflict, not one shot has been fired in anger, there are regular socials in the trenches and the military commanders are the best of friends.

The Doctor, Romana II and K9 arrive in the midst of these bizarre hostilities to find there's real trouble to come. A crucial election on Metralubit is looming and K9 is forced to begin a new career as a politician. Romana meets an old friend and the Doctor finds that a sinister hidden force may be attempting to alter the war's friendly nature.

What are the plans of Galatea, the leader of the beautiful robotic Femdroids? Who is killing soldiers on both sides of the battle lines? Will K9's oratory save the day?

Just what is going on?

Chapter titles

 * 1) Exchange of Fire
 * 2) The Femdroids
 * 3) A Very Long Story
 * 4) The Reluctant Diplomat
 * 5) New Dog, New Danger
 * 6) Violence
 * 7) The Rebels
 * 8) The Killers
 * 9) The Web of Death
 * 10) Explanations
 * 11) The Hive Attacks
 * 12) The Official End Of It All

Plot
to be added

Characters

 * Fourth Doctor
 * Romana II
 * K9
 * General Jafrid
 * Admiral Dolne
 * Captain Hans Viddeas
 * Galatea
 * Premier Harmock
 * Liris
 * Menlove Stokes
 * Fritchoff
 * Rabley
 * Seskwa
 * Black Guardian
 * Femdroid Newsreader

Conflicts

 * General Jafrid is the Chelonian leader in the war for Barclow.
 * Admiral Dolne is the leader of the human colonists in the war.
 * The planet Fridgya was devastated in the fifth Thargon-Sorsen war in 2660, according to Romana.

The Doctor

 * The Doctor has a Hangorian spore-catcher in the TARDIS.
 * The Doctor whistles Show Me the Way to Go Home.

Foods and beverages

 * The Doctor eats a marzipan shekel.
 * The Doctor is currently out of jelly babies.
 * Jafrid drinks Lapsang souchong.
 * K9 says Eastbourne is "famed for its fish suppers".

Individuals

 * K9 Mark II is programmed to protect the Doctor and Romana; this includes their emotional well-being, as well as their physical safety.
 * The Black Guardian mentions adventures with the Animus, Lady Ruath and the Timewyrm.
 * Galatea is leader of the Femdroids. She has a voice like sweet honey and matured rum.
 * Premier Harmock believes that he represents Metralubit, but the planet is devoid of any life.
 * K9 says Psychotronic conditioning was first hypothesised by Professor Otterbland of the Dubrovnik Institute of New Sciences.

Literature

 * The Doctor has a pamphlet in his pocket entitled So You're Caught in a Rocket Attack.

Species

 * The Doctor briefly mentions the Oraapi.

Theories and concepts

 * Romana II quotes Clarik's Theorem.

Weapons

 * The Web of Death was a torture device which stretched the limbs of the victim until they were separated from the body.

Continuity

 * Menlove Stokes remembers the Doctor, Romana and K9 from the events of PROSE: The Romance of Crime.
 * Stokes has the same kind of crystal that the Fifth Doctor's companion Turlough received in TV: Mawdryn Undead.
 * The Doctor briefly mentions his trip to the Land of Fiction. (TV: The Mind Robber)
 * The Doctor pulls out a book from his pocket called So You're Caught in a Rocket Attack. He pulled two other situational books out of his pocket in TV: The Creature from the Pit; first, Everest in Easy Stages, for hints on how to climb out of a pit, and then Teach Yourself Tibetan when he discovered the previous book was written in Tibetan.

Illustrations

 * This story includes six illustrations from the e-book by Daryl Joyce. The illustrations, like the e-book cover, were drawn in the style of Target novelisation illustrations.