Beedlemania (short story)

Beedlemania was the tenth story in the Bernice Summerfield anthology A Life of Surprises. It was written by Nev Fountain.

Plot
Benny is invited to Beedle to arbitrate between the Knyy'ds and the Mystic Wizards of Magee's World as they argue about ownership of a set of ruins; whilst the Knyy'ds claim that it is the site of one of their battles, the Wizards claim that it is a theatre where one of their most powerful once did a summer season. She is welcomed by Demjely, the Geramon ambassador, and meets Foogle, a Beta Centauran who has come to assist the Arbiter. They observe the arrival of a consignment of joke products ordered by the High Japester, J'Kdy'nn refusing to hand over his sword and the Great Alfredo being stopped for having a Smamfa on his person.

The next day, the Arbiter goes missing. Foogle is worried, but Benny brushes it off. As she heads to her room after taking a shower, she sees the Smafma and follows her. The Smafma enters the Arbiter's ship, but Benny is attacked by several figures in camouflage.

When Benny awakes, Foogle informs her that the Arbiter is dead and the Knyy'ds never showed up for the negotiations. When the Great Alfredo is accused, he admits to stealing a game from the Arbiter's ship to use in distracting the Knyy'ds from the negotiations.

Meanwhile, Benny investigates and makes several deductions. The Knyy'ds attacked her so they could steal the ruins, but they discovered that the ruins are fake. When they tried to escape, they were distracted by the game. The Arbiter, meanwhile, died of heart failure when he sat on a whoopie cushion that was placed in his room by the High Japester. The High Japester faked the ruins to draw individuals from several planets to be the victims of his practical jokes.

The High Japester has escaped, but Demjely has placed a nuclear bomb on his ship. As it explodes, Demjely announces that he is now the High Japester.

Characters

 * Bernice Summerfield
 * Foogle
 * The Arbiter
 * J'Kdy'nn
 * Demjely
 * Great Alfredo
 * The High Japester

Worldbuilding

 * For the second time in her life, Benny has her hair done in the only salon on Kavelron which does not contain a pun in its name.
 * The Beta Centaurans of Beta Centauri are the second best arbiters in the galaxy.
 * The High Japester orders a consignment of itching powder and black-face soap.
 * J'Kdy'nn accuses humans of being obsessed with vowels.
 * A Smamfa is a genetically engineered magician's assistant.
 * The Great Alfredo distracts the Knyy'ds with a game of Centauran twister.

Continuity

 * Benny mentions that Ace didn't necessarily need Nitro-9 to make an impression. (TV: Dragonfire, Remembrance of the Daleks, Silver Nemesis and Battlefield)