The Man Who Never Was (TV story)

The Man Who Never Was was the third and final story of Series 5 of The Sarah Jane Adventures and the final story of the series itself.

Part one
Joseph Serf has launched his new SerfBoard, the must-have computer that no one can resist owning. Intrigued, Sarah Jane takes Luke and Sky to investigate what is so compelling about Serf and his business. Meanwhile Clyde and Rani take a SerfBoard to pieces, suspecting alien technology may be the answer. Everyone wants the brand new SerfBoard - and why not? What could be so dangerous about a computer?

Part two
The truth behind Joseph Serf’s company is out – alien Light Sculptors, slaves kept beneath his office building. As Luke and Sky try to find a way to free them and get them home safely, Sarah Jane needs Clyde and Rani to come and help her.

Part One
At the offices of Serf Systems, a cleaner hears strange noises coming from a nearby lift; when she goes to look, something small and nasty grabs her and then drags her inside...

At No.13, Bannerman Road, Sarah, Clyde and Rani prepare for the return of Luke, while a nervous Sky worries about meeting her new ‘brother’. Downstairs, Luke checks out his bedroom, only to find that it now belongs to Sky; heading upstairs, he enjoys a happy reunion with his mum and his two friends – collectively nicknamed “Clani” – before meeting Sky for the first time; the encounter is a little awkward, so the joker Clyde steps in to defuse the situation. After Sarah has made them all tea, Luke explains that he left K9 back at university, busy backing up the entire Bodleian Library; Mr Smith has voiced his ‘disappointment’. Sarah Jane then tells them that the top three journalists in the country are being invited to a launch reharsal for the 'SerfBoard', the new must-have computer that is going to be launched that afternoon. Clyde and Rani are oblivious to Sarah Jane's stauts as one of the three and hurt her feelings by not realising its how she can live in such a big house. . Sarah looks pleased with herself: she is one of only three top journalists invited to attend the launch rehearsal, and she will be able to take two guests: Sky and Luke – much to Clyde and Rani’s disappointment.

Later that morning, Sarah, Luke and Sky arrive at Serf Systems, where they are asked to complete non-disclose agreements, and meet Lionel Carson, Sarah’s former editor and one of her oldest and dearest friends; after exchanging pleasantries, Lionel confesses that he has no idea about technology, but wanted to impress his grandchildren. The gang are then joined by public relations manager John Harrison, who shows them to their seats in the main auditorium; as they walk in, Sky tells Luke that she can feel a strange build-up of electricity… Starting the rehearsal, Harrison introduces Joseph Serf – and as everyone watches, the handsome, charismatic man himself bounds onto the stage and begins running through his presentation. At Serf ‘s instruction, each audience member is given a free SerfBoard; however, that isn’t what grabs the attention of Sky and Luke – they are more interested in the fact that Joseph’s face somehow just glitched… The rehearsal over, the gang head out to the foyer; while Lionel is overjoyed at his new device, and rushes off to play with it, Sarah is intrigued by Luke and Rani’s report on Joseph; leaving Luke behind to investigate, she and Sky take the SerfBoard home for analysis.

Joining Clyde and Rani in the attic, Sarah instructs Mr Smith to access Serf Systems’ CCTV recordings; as the Xylok computer plays back the rehearsal, Sky locates the point where Serf glitched; studying the freeze-frame, the gang can clearly see that only Serf is affected by the distortion, while the rest of the picture remains undisturbed. Immediately suspecting alien holographic technology at work, Sarah orders Mr Smith to search the company records and learns that Joseph Samuel Serf disappeared several years ago after a near-fatal skiing accident, and has remained a virtual recluse ever since. Deducing that Serf died in the accident and has long since been replaced, the gang consider whether the SerfBoard has any hypnotic properties that would encourage everyone to buy one. While Mr Smith begins a deep scan of the device, Sarah phones Serf Systems to arrange an interview with Joseph; speaking to Mr Harrison, she drops enough hints about her suspicions to make the PR manager agree to a meeting straight away. Sarah knows that she is walking into a trap, but she needs to find out what is going on; leaving Rani and Clyde to supervise the SerfBoard.

Sarah Jane and Sky return to Serf Systems and rejoin Luke, who has had absolutely no success with his snooping. Instructing her children to remain out of harm’s way, Sarah meets up with Harrison, who escorts her to Serf’s office and then refuses to leave; during the interview Sarah tries every trick she knows in an effort to expose Serf– but the businessman refuses to shake her hand due to an “allergy”, and Sarah’s deliberately-dropped pen is swiftly replaced with a new one from Harrison.

Back at the attic, Mr Smith informs Clyde and Rani the SerfBoard is just a standard, low-tech laptop; still suspicious, the duo don protective gear and prepare to activate the device – only to discover that, despite its cool appearance and name, it is actually rubbish…

Meanwhile, at Serf Systems, Sky tells Luke that she can feel the strange electrical build-up coming from below; together they take a lift to the basement, but Sky thinks the source lies even further under the building. Figuring out the secret code in the lift, Luke sends them down to the unlabelled sub-basement; exploring the dark, litter-strewn corridors, Luke and Sky are puzzled to hear Sarah and Serf’s voices coming from behind a heavy metal door; stepping into the room beyond, they find themselves in a strange chamber occupied by a number of short, hooded figures, all wearing welding masks and working frantically at a series of controls labelled with such things as ‘Eyes’, ‘Arms’, ‘Bum’, ‘Expressions’ and ‘Voice’…

Upstairs, Sarah notices that Serf has begun to behave oddly during the interview, mixing his words and getting stuck mid-expression. When Sarah deliberately spills her water the effect is astonishing: Serf stands shakily to his feet, and the spot on his arm where the water splashed begins glitching.

Meanwhile, in the control room, the diminutive workers are thrown into a panic as their supervisor, Plark, frantically shouts out instructions. Speaking urgently into an earpiece, Harrison orders the supervisor to use ‘hypno-power’.

Back in Serf's office, this causes him to become overly charming in an attempt to change Sarah’s mind – but the plucky reporter is having none of it as she has been put on hypnoses by much better foes, and after dismissing this attempt to control her she shoves her hands through Serf’s body, disrupting it even further. However; as the businessman’s systems go wild, Harrison pulls out an alien-looking gun and levels it menacingly at Sarah.

Seeing a monitor screen showing his mum in danger, Luke cries out involuntarily – which immediately alerts the aliens to his and Sky’s presence. As the worker close in in the two unwanted intruders, the supervisor throws back his hood and removes his protective mask – revealing a hideous, one-eyed face beneath stuttering "You! YOU!!.."

Part Two
As the diminutive, one-eyed creatures close in on them, Luke and Sky brace themselves for the worst; but to their surprise, the supervisor, Plark, implores them to run and escape. Looking at the monitor screen, Sky is shocked to see the angry Mr Harrison about to shoot Sarah with an alien-looking gun; she immediately leaps for the hologram controls, sending Serf into a frenzy that sends Harrison’s shot wild. Sarah makes a run for it, only to be grabbed by a security guard and her sonic lipstick is confiscated. Harrison is furious at the apparent failure of his workers: he activates a pen-like control device that sends a surge of agonising energy through the collars the creatures wear around their necks. Looking at his monitor, Harrison sees that Luke and Sky are in the control room – the ‘Light Chamber’ – and he orders their immediate capture. As an alarm blares out, Plark urges the two kids to run, but they swiftly are captured by guards.

Escorted to the sub-basement, Sarah rejoins her children and then watches in outrage as Harrison punishes Plark with an even stronger surge of painful energy; Sarah protests, but Harrison ignores her – he paid good money for the Scullions. Hearing that the aliens are the survivors of a spaceship that crashed in Central Asia, who were then sold as slaves on the black market, Sarah is appalled; but Harrison doesn’t care – he only cares about making a profit: he intends to activate the hologramatic Serf’s hypnotic power in the upcoming press conference, transmitting it across the world to make everyone buy the SerfBoard. Locking Luke and Sky in a storeroom, and Sarah in another, Harrison heads upstairs to prepare for the upcoming press launch. Sarah finds herself locked in with another prisoner, the cleaner, Adriana, who explains how she met one of the Scullions who was trying to escape, only for them both to be captured by guards.

Back at No.13, Bannerman road, Clyde and Rani watch a news report on the forthcoming launch of the SerfBoard; worried that their calls to their friends have gone unanswered, Rani comes up with a plan…

Elsehwere, Luke and Sky are given food by Plank; Luke offers his bottle of water to the supervisor, but the creature refuses: water is harmful to his kind, who can only drink citrus-juice. After Plark leaves, Luke and Sky wonder how they can help free the slaves; then Sky has an idea: by using the dog- whistle that Luke uses to call K9, they can send a message to Mr Smith…

In the attic, a suited-and-booted Clyde watches as Rani and Mr Smith complete work on two fake press-passes: they are now Trevor and Janet Sharp, two journalists from ‘Twilight Years’, a magazine for the over 60’s – the real couple having been stranded at the airport due to a “computer malfunction”. Mr Smith then receives a high-pitched transmission on K9’s wavelength, a Morse-code message from Luke: “CLANI GRAB HARRISONS PEN.”

Back at Serf Systems, Sarah and Adriana’s guard investigates the ruckus they are making – and gets sent sprawling by a jury-rigged tripwire, allowing the two prisoners to escape. In the Light Chamber, Harrison informs the Scullions that they are now working for their lives: if the press launch is not a success, they will die. When Plark asks for a drink, the evil businessman sprays his slaves with water, burning them… In the meantime, Sarah and Adriana free Luke and Sky and are informed of Luke's morse code message to Mr Smith.

Reaching the control room, Sarah, Luke, Sky and Adriana see Clyde and Rani on the monitor screen, watching as the two ‘journalists’ meet Lionel Carson, and then edge nearer to Harrison. Disguised as a cleaner, Sarah manages to make her way upstairs and use a corporate phone to contact Mr Smith and gives him an order to immediately perform while attaching it to a drinking fountain as a homing singal. Mr Smtih sends a message to the planet Scultos, requesting that a rescue mission be sent to the roof of Serf Systems.

Above, Clyde and Rani arrive at the main foyer, uncomfortably acting as a married couple and dismissing suspicion of their young age due to a "new company policy", and begin their search for Harrison; they soon spot him, and the "pen" he uses to painfuly shock the Scullions so they obey him. Rani’s attempts to grab Harrison’s pen fail dismally, but Clyde does better: by bumping into the PR man, he manages to switch the control device for a normal pen. Below, Plark and the others Scullions become overjoyed that their master can no longer shock them and agree to follow Sarah and Adriana to the roof where the ship will rescue them.

Following Lionel and the rest of the journalists into the auditorium, Clyde and Rani take their seats as the video trailer of Serf plays on the main screen; unfortunately Harrison then appears, and reclaims his stolen pen from ‘Trevor', saying it was a nice try, but he knew they swapped his pen on him.

Seeing that the PR man has his control device back, Sky and Luke drive the hologram themselves, and as the audience looks on, Joseph Serf shambles onto the stage and proceeds to give an extremely bizarre presentation, due to Sky typing in the wrong words and mixing in some cowboy mannerisums (due to watching Toy Story). Furious and confused, Harrison activates his pen – and up on the roof, the Scullions collapse in the worst agony they have ever experienced.

Using the hologram’s speech and hypno controls, Sky makes Serf compel his audience to grab the pen from Harrison: Lionel leads the rush, and he seizes the device from the astonished PR man and promptly stamps it into pieces. To Harrison’s further dismay, Serf then orders his guests to go away and tell everyone that the SerfBoard is utter rubbish! Clyde and Rani are amused that things are turning out good and in their favour, but wonder why Serf has done so. The hologram waves and them and says "Hi Clani" and points to the roof, instructing them to go up and meet Sarah Jane before shutting off.

However, Harrison overhears, and he races ahead of the duo: appearing before Sarah, Adriana and the terrified Scullions. Sarah Jane reminds Harrison that she told him she would stop him. Unoriginally, Harrison asks, "You and whose army?" and is surprised when Sarah Jane points to the Scullion ship as it arrives above the building, saying, "That army!" In the confusion Rani grabs Harrison’s weapon, holding him at bay as a green teleport beam stabs down from on high and envelops the excited Scullions. As Plark bids goodbye to Sarah and the gang, Harrison rushes forward to grab them, declaring them to be his property. Unfortunately for him, he is teleported aboard the ship with the Scullions. After Luke voices the hope that Harrison will become a slave on the Scullions’ planet, Adriana wonders what she will do now that she has lost her job; but Sarah is always able to help, and recommends that she give U.N.I.T. a call and mention her name, ensuring good pay.

Sometime later, Sarah, Clyde, Rani and Sky watch a news report detailing Joseph Serf’s sudden unexplained disappearance. Sent by Rani to help Luke, Sky finds her brother in her room putting up a picture that Clyde has drawn: it depicts Sky, with the legend ‘Sky’s Room’; overjoyed, Sky gives Luke a hug.

"I've seen amazing things out there in space. But strange things can happen wherever you are. I've learned that life on earth can be an adventure, too. But, in all the universe, I never expected to find a family." - Sarah Jane.

She narrates this over clips of her adventures and reunions with the Doctor (one shows her hugging the Doctor from Journey's End.) The Earth is shown from space with a message-"And the story goes on.... forever".

Cast

 * Sarah Jane Smith - Elisabeth Sladen
 * Luke Smith - Tommy Knight
 * Clyde Langer - Daniel Anthony
 * Rani Chandra - Anjli Mohindra
 * Sky Smith - Sinead Michael
 * Mr Smith - Alexander Armstrong
 * Harrison - James Dreyfus
 * Joseph Serf - Mark Aiken
 * Adriana Petrescu - Edyta Budnik
 * Lionel Carson - Peter Bowles
 * Maria Jackson - Yasmin Paige (Archive Footage)
 * The Doctor - David Tennant (Archive Footage)
 * K9 Mark IV - No Voice (Archive Footage)

Story notes

 * This is the final episode of The Sarah Jane Adventures. Although three more episodes for the series were planned, production was postponed and later cancelled after Elisabeth Sladen's death from cancer on 19th April 2011.
 * A special epilogue was added to the end of Part 2 following the death of Elisabeth Sladen featuring clips from the series, as well as a brief clip of DW: Journey's End with David Tennant (making this the third on-screen appearance of the Tenth Doctor on The Sarah Jane Adventures).
 * The character name Joseph Serf may have been inspired by actor Patrick McGoohan, who used this name as a pseudonym while directing episodes of The Prisoner.
 * Maria Jackson and K9 Mark IV appeared in archive footage.
 * James Dreyfus, who plays Harrison in this story, is known for playing George Monday, the second incarnation of Thermoman in My Hero. His predecessor, Ardal O'Hanlon, played Thomas Kincade Brannigan in Gridlock.

Ratings
to be added

Rumours
It was rumoured that Rani and Clyde would be married in part 2. ''This was later proven false, however, they did pose as a married couple, and at the end, they were keeping a secret from Sarah Jane, which they said was a "family affair". (The secret they were keeping was Luke's gift to Sky of the "Sky's Room" poster, drawn by Clyde. Rani asked Sky for "that CD" as a way of getting Sky to go to her room, where Luke was putting up the poster.)''

Filming locations
to be added

Production errors

 * When Sarah Jane calls for an interview the Harrison says come right over. When they arrive, Sky says "its time for your appointment" when no time was arranged.

Continuity

 * Clyde tells Rani he "meant to say all that stuff to Ellie". It's most likely that in one of the unfilmed episodes Clyde was still upset over Ellie leaving, and admitted his feelings for Rani. This is backed up by Luke consistently referring to them as "Clani". (SJA: The Curse of Clyde Langer)

DVD releases
to be added

Blu-ray releases
to be added