The Doctor's Guide to 2012 (short story)

The Doctor's Guide to 2012 is a meta-fictional short story printed in DWA 249. The story is presented as an in-universe, month-by-month rundown from the Eleventh Doctor of events of the, from the reader's perspective, the upcoming year.

January
''Wow! 2012! Look at it there, all shiny and new. And cold! Shiny and new and cold and full of tiny horses from outer space. Yes, January sees Earth invaded by horses so tiddly that no one notices. Except me, of course. I give them some tiny sugar lumps and they go home very happy.''

February
''Bah! February is a rubbish month! Except in 2012, when it is absolutely BRILLIANT! For reasons scientists are unable to explain, the whole month smells faintly of blackcurrant, except in Doncaster, where everything goes a lovely shade of orange.''

March
''A meteor in the exact shape of Dermot O'Leary's face comes dangerously close to Earth in March, but burns up in the atmosphere until it is no bigger than a pea that looks just like Davina McCall. Spooky!

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