The Bells of Saint John (TV story)

The Bells of Saint John was the sixth episode and mid-series premiere of series 7 of Doctor Who.

It marked the debut of a new costume for the Eleventh Doctor. He changed to a purple cashmere coat with a black bow tie and darker-accented garb.

As the first story broadcast in 2013, its marketing had a similar feel to that of a "series opener", but the BBC firmly maintained that it was merely the beginning of the second part of series 7, even threatening legal action against some sources that falsely claimed otherwise. The episode also introduced the concept of "the woman in the shop" who was a mysterious person somehow keeping the Doctor and Clara together. This arc would be carried on well into Series 8 and would be touched upon in the Series 8 finale Death in Heaven.

Synopsis
London, 2013. "Danger. This is a warning. A warning to the whole world. You're looking for Wi-Fi. Sometimes you see something, a bit like this. Don't click it. Do not click it. Once you've clicked it, they're in your computer. They can see you. If they can see you, they might choose you. And if they do... you die."

When Clara Oswald has problems with her Internet, she's given a telephone number: the number of the "best help line in the universe". When the Eleventh Doctor answers at the other end, Clara is pulled into a life of adventure and mystery. But danger is lurking in the signals, picking off minds and imprisoning them. "It's like immortality, only fatal." But can the Doctor save Clara before... "I don't know where I am!"

Plot
Nabile warns anyone listening about the dangers of the Wi-Fi. He shows a placard with some odd symbols and warns not to connect to any networks with writing like it. Those who do may get chosen, and the people who get chosen die, their souls trapped in the Wi-Fi "like ghosts". Nabile says that he knows this because he doesn't know where he is; he's trapped in a small video screen, surrounded by a wall of other victims who are all calling out in fear and confusion, "I don't know where I am!"

In Cumbria in 1207, a monk named Paul pounds on the doors to an abbey, calling to wake the Abbot because "the bells of Saint John are ringing". As they head into a cave, Paul asks the Abbot why they call the Doctor "the Mad Monk". The Abbot informs him that they should not, as the man is hardly a monk. They give their message to the Eleventh Doctor, who asks for a horse. As he goes to prepare, the monks discuss the painting in his room of "the woman twice dead", and her last message: "Run you clever boy, and remember." The Abbot observes that if the Doctor is mad, this is his madness.

In London in 2013, it is 3:30pm and Clara Oswald is having trouble with connecting her computer to the internet. She tells Angie that she's been ringing the help line but they haven't answered; Angie is also laughing at her for asking to use the internet after she was done using it, as more than one person at a time can use the wi-fi. George comes through on his way out, saying that the adverts to replace Clara are in. Clara catches sight of the book that Artie has, Summer Falls, by Amelia Williams. He tells her he's on chapter 10. She replies that "eleven is the best" and that he will "cry [his] eyes out". They head out, and Clara goes upstairs to her computer and continues to try the help line.

Back in 1207, the Doctor and the monks arrive to find the TARDIS police box telephone, next to the St John's ambulance sticker, ringing. A very confused Doctor picks up the phone, to be told that the caller can't find the Internet. The Doctor slowly realises that the caller is in modern-day London. Clara was given his number by a and was told that it was the best in the universe. The Doctor starts to explain he's not actually a help line, but gives up and asks if she's tried clicking on the Wi-Fi button. She first tries the Maitland_Family link but needs the password from Angie, who gives her a mnemonic to remember it. She mutters the phrase aloud on the phone as she enters it. "Run you clever boy and remember." The Doctor recognises her voice and the phrase, and shouts, spoiling her concentration. She puts in the wrong password. She goes back to the screen this time choosing the open network with the strange symbols. Other lines of symbols appear on her computer, and, elsewhere, Clara's room appears on a bank of small video screens showing people. Clara runs out of screen to answer her frantically ringing the doorbell. The Doctor, outside the house and still in his Monk's robes, greets her in excitement. "Clara Oswin Oswald?"

Revealing that Oswin's not part of her name, Clara states that she doesn't remember him. "Doctor who?" she asks. Amused, the Doctor asks her to repeat herself, twice and tells her that he never realised how much he enjoyed hearing that said out loud. Clara takes that moment to close the door in his face, locking it. She pauses on the stairs as he continues to pound on the door.

The wall of small screens is in a dark room full of computers and people, where an analyst approaches his superior. Alexei calls Clara borderline, meaning she's "very clever, but no computer skills". Rosemary Kizlet tells him to "upload" her anyway, and "splice" her a computer skills package. He responds that he'll activate the Spoonheads. As Kizlet returns to her office, she discusses him with Mahler, then decides that they should probably kill him, but only after he gets back from holiday — "let's not be unreasonable."

Mahler is worried that they're uploading too many people too quickly, that they'll get noticed. Kizlet tries to comfort him, calling this "immortality, only fatal". She then picks up a tablet with his name and picture, and sliders marked conscience, paranoia, obedience and IQ. She lowers the conscience slider, and he backs down. Mahler then realises that she hacked him, as reflected by his rising paranoia slider. He voices his concerns, but Kizlet lowers the paranoia until he walks out of the office. To ensure he doesn't question her again, she raises his obedience to the max.

Back at the house, Clara gives the Doctor another chance to talk, but he is unsuccessful in convincing her to let him inside. As she turns to go back upstairs, she hears footsteps; a little girl walks down the stairs. Clara asks if she's a friend of Angie's, and the girl repeats just that. When asked what she was doing upstairs, the girl replies that she was upstairs. Clara thinks she recognises her — and the girl repeats, "You know me, don't you?" Clara realises that the girl is from the cover of Summer Falls, the book that Artie had. The girl's head turns around revealing a spoon-like indentation in the back of her head. Clara backs away from it, scared.

In the TARDIS, the Doctor decides that a change of clothes is in order, since "monks are not cool"; also because it looks like he escaped a mental institution. Opening a compartment in the lower floor of the control room, he pulls out several clothes; he tries on a fez, deciding against it. He pulls out a tweed jacket and a purple one; he decides to go with something new, abandoning the tweed jacket. Now dressed in a new look, the Doctor realises something is missing from his ensemble; he takes out a fancy box with a bow tie in it, completing his 'cool" new outfit.

He walks out of the TARDIS, excited to make a better impression, and uses the intercom to ask Clara to let him in, but she instead responds, "I don't know where I am!" Using his sonic screwdriver, the Doctor enters the house and finds Clara lying on the floor, unconscious. If she's not moving though, how can he still hear her cries? Looking up, he realises that her voice is coming from the Spoonhead; Clara's face can now be seen in the indentation. He uses his screwdriver on the little girl and it reveals the true form of the Spoonhead, a walking robotic base station. The upload halts and the Doctor thinks aloud that it is "hoovering" up data and people. It used a camouflage based on its victim's thoughts. He quickly scans with the screwdriver and finds Clara's laptop upstairs. He grabs it and brings it back downstairs. He begins to reverse the upload on the computer, fighting hard not to lose Clara again.

At the secret base, Alexei is working on Clara's acquisition when an alarm goes off. He, Mahler and Kizlet find that the download metre for Clara has halted mid-way and is going down rapidly. They marvel and Mahler reveals that such a reverse is possible, in theory. Alexei is typing rapidly, apparently attempting to block the reversal, but the Doctor prevails and the bar goes all the way down to zero. A pause, and then the Spoonhead transmits a pillar of light that returns to Clara. The Doctor checks her pulse. At Kizlet's office, they find that their hacker has left a message: "UNDER MY PROTECTION - The Doctor." Mahler notes that it must mean Clara Oswald is now off limits. Kizlet shoos Mahler out to contact her client. "Sir. The one you told me about. He's here. The Doctor is here."

In Clara's room, the Doctor is tidying up. He takes out Jammie Dodgers, half-eating one and leaving it on the plate. He then leaves the room. Waking up from her sleep, Clara looks out the window and sees him outside guarding her. The Doctor recounts everything that she's missed; Angie is staying with her friend Nina, Clara's father called to complain about the government, he optimised the photosynthesises of the plants, organised the food pantry and reassembled a broken Quadricycle he found in the garage. Clara tells him that he didn't find a broken quadricycle. The Doctor smiles and laughs; he "just invented the quadricycle".

When Clara asks if he plans to stay outside all night, the Doctor confirms it; she tells him that she'll just have to come to him instead. She comes outside with a cup of tea and a folding chair, sitting next to the Doctor. Clara wonders if the Spoonhead no longer poses a threat, but the Doctor tells her that there have to be more out there. While talking, Clara reveals that she is a friend of the family who live in the house, and she looks after the children. When Clara makes a tech-savvy joke about Twitter, they realise that she has gained greater knowledge of computers as a result of being partially uploaded. The duo then spot another Spoonhead across the road, and suddenly, all the lights in the neighbourhood switch on. The Doctor realises that the residents are being compelled to do so via the Wi-Fi. The lights in the rest of London go off, and the Doctor and Clara see an aeroplane that is plummeting towards them.

The Doctor rushes Clara into the TARDIS, saying that they are going to make a short trip. Clara worriedly asks if they have moved away from the plane, but that is not the case. The Doctor opens the doors, revealing he landed inside the plane. The Doctor manages to pull the plane out of a nosedive and revive the crew and passengers, who had been rendered unconscious via the Wi-Fi.

At Kizlet's office, she is looking dumbfounded at the image of where the TARDIS had just been. She wonders where it went. With a furious yell, she demands her workers 'find that box!"

In the TARDIS, Clara drinks her tea to calm her nerves; she asks the Doctor when he's going to explain things to her. He says at breakfast, to which she says she doesn't want to wait that long. He tells her the TARDIS is a time machine; she doesn't have to wait. He lands the TARDIS and walks outside into daylight, taking applause from a crowd who seem to think the materialisation was a performance art. He has Clara hold a hat to collect money for their meal. He goes back into the TARDIS, looking for the garage; he arrives outside the TARDIS moments later on a motorbike.

Clara and the Doctor ride the motorcycle to a café for breakfast. Whilst there, Clara questions the Doctor and they try and figure out who is controlling the Wi-Fi. The Doctor is able to hack their lowest level of security, but can't find their location. Clara decides to use the computer skills they gave her to get back at them, telling the Doctor to get two more coffees. With incredible speed, she hacks the webcams at Kizlet's office and cross-references them on Twitter, Facebook, etc. to find out who was stupid enough to put where they work on their pages. It works — they work at the Shard.

In the café, the Doctor talks to several people who are being controlled remotely by Kizlet, who explains her client feeds of the neural energy of humanity and that what she's doing isn't any different than a farmer slaughtering their cattle once they're ready to be harvested. She then taunts the Doctor, implying Clara is not as safe as he thinks. Realising what Kizlet is implying, the Doctor runs off.

The Doctor seems to get back moments after Clara finds out where Kizlet's group is hiding; however, he just repeats everything that Clara tells him - its another Spoonhead. Soon after, the real Doctor arrives, finding that this time Clara has been successfully uploaded.

Moments later, images from phones show Kizlet that the Doctor is riding towards the Shard on his motorbike. She takes control of a man eating chips on the street, noting this really doesn't seem like him. The Doctor tells her that he rode his motorbike in the 2074 Anti-Grav Olympics and ended up finishing in last place. Kizlet tells him the building is on lock down, prompting the Doctor to reply "Did you even hear the word 'anti-grav'?" He smacks a button on the bike and rides towards the Shard and up the side of the building. Moments later, glass is heard breaking in Kizlet's office.

Kizlet enters her office, where the window is broken and the motorbike is lying on the floor with the front wheel slowly turning. The Doctor is at her desk, and he demands that Kizlet return Clara from the data cloud. Kizlet states this is only possible if everyone else in the cloud is released too. He tells her to do so; those with bodies still around will be free, and the others will be released from their "living hell" and allowed to die. Kizlet refuses and asks why the Doctor even bothered to come here, but the Doctor tells her that he didn't; he's still at the café, enjoying his coffee.

The real Doctor presses a button and the Doctor with Kizlet removes his helmet as his head spins around. It's the Spoonhead that uploaded Clara. Kizlet backs away in terror, begging him to stop, but the Doctor ignores her pleas and the Spoonhead uploads Kizlet. Experiencing the fear that her prior victims felt, she hysterically orders Mahler from one of the small screens to return her to her body. They initially do not, as they would have to download the entire cloud, but the Doctor has his Spoonhead use Miss Kizlet's tablet to hack Mahler into obedience. The download process is started, and the small screens start to go blank as the victims are released from the cloud; Kizlet is the last to be freed.

At the café, Clara wakes to find the Doctor gone.

Later, as UNIT troops begin to take over the base, Kizlet reports a failure to her client, who is revealed to be the Great Intelligence — appearing via a large wall-mounted video screen. The Intelligence identifies UNIT as being "old friends" of the Doctor, and orders her to restore the members of the organisation to their "factory settings". As a result, all the organisation members' memories after being inducted are wiped, with Miss Kizlet revealed to have been aiding the Great Intelligence for most of her life — she now has the mentality of a scared child.

Back at the Maitlands' house, Clara sees the TARDIS outside and goes to knock on the door. The Doctor invites her to travel with him but she declines, telling him to come back the next day and ask her again because she "might say yes". After she leaves, the Doctor excitedly returns to the TARDIS controls, exclaiming "Right then, Clara Oswald. Time to find out who you are not".

Cast

 * The Doctor - Matt Smith
 * Clara - Jenna-Louise Coleman
 * Nabile – Manpreet Bachu
 * Paul – Sean Knopp
 * The Abbot – James Greene
 * Angie – Eve De Leon Allen
 * Artie – Kassius Carey Johnson
 * George – Geff Francis
 * Miss Kizlet – Celia Imrie
 * Mahler – Robert Whitelock
 * Alexei - Dan Li
 * Little Girl – Daniella Eames
 * Pilot – Antony Edridge
 * Barista – Fred Pearson
 * Waitress – Jade Anouka
 * Newsreader – Olivia Hill
 * Man with Chips – Matthew Earley
 * Child reading Comic – Isabella Blake-Thomas
 * The Great Intelligence - Richard E Grant

Places

 * The 65th floor of the Shard is the Great Intelligence's base.
 * A police box on Earl's Court is mentioned.

Technology

 * Clara jokes about Twitter.
 * All the employees working in the Shard use social media sites such as Facebook, Twitter, Foursquare, Google+, Habbo or Tumblr, and have posted the location of their workplace.
 * The trapped peoples' voices can be heard on the radio, on televisions and on the internet.
 * George, Artie, and Angie's household Wi-Fi network is named "Maitland_Family". Clara initially believes that only one person can use the Wi-Fi in the house at a time.

The TARDIS

 * Clara calls the TARDIS a "snogging booth" and a "snog box". She also states that it is "bigger on the inside".
 * There's a garage in the TARDIS.
 * "Mobile phone" is an accurate description of the TARDIS.

Time Lords

 * The Doctor claims that Time Lords have two hearts and 27 brains. He then admits that he was exaggerating about the number of brains.

Vehicles

 * The Doctor owns an anti-gravity motorbike, which he states he rode in a motor race during the Anti-Grav Olympics in 2074, where he came last in the competition.
 * The Doctor claims to have just invented the quadricycle.

Individuals

 * Clara has skipped ages 16 and 23 in the list of ages she has written in 101 Places to See.
 * Angie has a friend named Nina.
 * Mrs Maitland died within ten days of Clara's planned departure to travel the world. Clara put her plans on hold to take care of the Maitland children and be there for the people who needed her.

Literature

 * The book Summer Falls was written by Amelia Williams.

Businesses

 * According to Miss Kizlet, no one loves cattle as much as Burger King.

Advertising

 * In Japan, a poster for Rockbound Neighbours can be seen.

Story notes

 * The title of this episode is a reference to the phone incorporated into the TARDIS police box disguise, and to the "St John Ambulance" logo on the door of this version of the TARDIS. The "Bells" part is referring to the police box phone ringing. It is also a reference to the nursery rhyme Oranges and Lemons. It is the only time the logo is directly acknowledged on the show.
 * The Eleventh Doctor's old costume briefly appears in this episode, when the Doctor drops the costume in favour of the new one. This is the last episode to include the costume.
 * The title was originally announced as The Bells of St John, in keeping with the actual abbreviated spelling of "St John" on the logo.
 * This story gives a new logo for the second half of series seven, a weathered metallic texture. Unlike the first half of the series, in which the logo changed from episode to episode, the logo remained constant for the remainder of Series 7.
 * Similarly, the new theme tune of the series is slightly modified from its previous arrangement, omitting the "shimmering" musical flourishes and electrical hissing noises heard in its first variation. This can be compared to the theme tune arrangement that debuted in the 2007 Christmas special TV: Voyage of the Damned, which was edited into a new, rearranged version of itself that played in each episode for the remainder of David Tennant's era.
 * To keep the reappearance of the Great Intelligence a surprise, Richard E Grant was not credited in Radio Times. He was, however, originally listed on the BBC website, but was subsequently taken down.
 * The password for the Maitland family's wi-fi, 'rycbar123' is both an acronym of 'run you clever boy and remember' and a reference to the fact that this is the third version of Clara to appear.
 * Small grated sections have been added to the floor of the TARDIS console room's main platform.
 * This episode also features the only time the Doctor uses the TARDIS control panels around the edge of the deck as well as the console.

Ratings

 * Initial Broadcast: 8.44 million viewers
 * BBC Three repeat: 390,000 viewers

Filming locations

 * The Shard
 * Westminster Bridge
 * Beatty Avenue, Cardiff
 * Grange St. Paul's Hotel
 * San Francisco Vantage Point (footage in pretitles montage)
 * Caerphilly Castle (monastery exteriors)

Production errors

 * The initial Spoonhead the Doctor meets—the girl from the front cover of Summer Falls—is photographed in a way that ruins the illusion. The curvature of her calves clearly shows that her body is pointed up the stairs. Once this is noticed, it's obvious that the girl is standing away from the Doctor and that she merely has her dress on backwards.
 * When the Doctor and Clara are talking during the Romeo and Juliet-esque scene after she wakes up, the Doctor sets the laptop on the ground. Between takes, however, the position of the screen changes from being perpendicular to the ground to being parallel with no apparent way that the Doctor could have affected the change.
 * When the TARDIS has travelled to the aeroplane, just before the Doctor gets out, a scene change is visible and the wall position changes.
 * During the motorcycle scene, various members of the crew can be seen reflected in the Doctor's helmet.
 * After the little girl under Miss Kizlet's control says, "Stop", and everybody freezes and blue flickering lights appear over their bodies. However, the barista seen on the cut back to the Doctor has no such lights.
 * Clara is shown swinging her coffee cup around on the plane without apparently spilling a drop, and she is then shown drinking from it after returning to the TARDIS, with no suggestion given that she might have refilled it along the way. It is also very obvious that the cup is empty.
 * After Clara hands him the fez containing the money, the Doctor puts it on the head of a nearby boy. No money falls out of the fez despite people having just put money in it and jangling of coins heard when Clara gives it to the Doctor. There was no sign of the Doctor emptying the fez of money, or really, any sign of what happened to the money at all.

Continuity

 * The Eighth Doctor previously encountered an artificial intelligence named IamI who uploaded the users of an internet chat room to cyberspace. In this adventure, two of those uploaded shouted, "I don't know where I am!" (PROSE: Lonely)
 * The Tenth Doctor also encountered an alien whose plan was to upload humans to a popular technology. Both times, the victims were trapped in screens. (TV: The Idiot's Lantern)
 * The Doctor has previously reprogrammed a mechanical double of himself to defeat the enemy. (TV: The Android Invasion)
 * The Doctor rides a motorbike out of the TARDIS. Previously, a motorbike drove into the TARDIS, turned around, and drove back out. (TV: Doctor Who) The Doctor has also ridden a moped out of the TARDIS. (TV: The Idiot's Lantern)
 * The Doctor tells Clara that they are riding a motorbike because he does not bring the TARDIS into battle, fearing that it may fall into the wrong hands. The same concern had been expressed by the Ninth Doctor to Rose Tyler. (TV: The Parting of the Ways)
 * The Tenth Doctor also mentioned the Anti-Grav Olympics. (TV: Tooth and Claw)
 * Clara is referred to as "The Woman Twice Dead". She had, at least from the Doctor's perspective, died twice. (TV: Asylum of the Daleks, The Snowmen)
 * A painting of Clara by the Doctor reads, "RUN, YOU CLEVER BOY, AND REMEMBER." Clara also says this later while trying to remember a password. (TV: Asylum of the Daleks, The Snowmen)
 * The Doctor states that he is 1,000 years old. Most recently, he claimed to be 1,200. (TV: A Town Called Mercy)
 * When Clara is sucked into the Wi-Fi, she asks "Where am I?" - the exact same question Oswin Oswald asked when she realised she was a Dalek. (TV: Asylum of the Daleks)
 * The Doctor mentions that the TARDIS police box telephone should not work. It is meant to be a prop as part of the police box disguise, not a functional phone. (TV: The Empty Child)
 * The Doctor says he can't fly an aeroplane, although they do manage to pull it up and avoid crashing. Despite this, his eighth incarnation was perfectly capable. (AUDIO: Fugitives) The Eleventh Doctor had previously claimed that he was due for a lesson in flying a bi-plane in 1911. (TV: The Impossible Astronaut)
 * The Doctor mentions that Angie, one of the children Clara babysits, went to stay over at Nina's. Another version of Clara mentioned a Nina. (TV: Asylum of the Daleks)
 * After saving Clara from being downloaded, the Doctor sends a message to her attempted captors stating that she's "under [his] protection". (TV: The Christmas Invasion, The Eleventh Hour)
 * Summer Falls, a book that Clara has read, was written by Amelia Williams. (TV: The Angels Take Manhattan)
 * The Doctor once again wears Amy's reading glasses. (TV: The Angels Take Manhattan, The Snowmen)
 * Miss Kizlet's client is revealed to be the Great Intelligence, who was previously defeated by the Second Doctor and left in disembodied form, cut off from any form of communication of the time. (TV: The Web of Fear) It uses Walter Simeon's image when communicating with her. (TV: The Snowmen)
 * The Doctor mentions having two hearts. (TV: Spearhead from Space)
 * The Doctor briefly dons a fez while changing out of his monk garb, then tosses it away. He later wears it again but gives it to a young boy standing outside the TARDIS. (TV: The Big Bang, A Christmas Carol)
 * The Doctor notes that travelling short hops in the TARDIS can be difficult. (TV: The Seeds of Death, State of Decay, Army of Ghosts, Dinosaurs on a Spaceship)
 * The Doctor previously disguised himself as a monk in Saxon England, along with another Time Lord. (TV: The Time Meddler) He also temporarily donned the robes of a Headless Monk. (TV: A Good Man Goes to War)
 * Monks, unlike bow ties, fezzes, Stetsons, glasses, and 1960s NASA technology, are evidently not cool. (TV: The Eleventh Hour, The Big Bang, The Impossible Astronaut, The Girl Who Waited)
 * The Doctor's fondness for Jammie Dodgers is seen again. (TV: Victory of the Daleks, The Impossible Astronaut)
 * When Clara calls the Doctor in the year 1207, Clara believes she is calling another time zone; the Doctor says "You have no idea," and apologises about her phone bill. (TV: The End of the World, The Eleventh Hour)
 * Clara thinks of "Oswin" as a username, contracted from "Oswald for the win". (TV: Asylum of the Daleks)
 * The Doctor catches Clara joking about Twitter; he has previously mentioned the social media service with great disdain. (TV: The Girl Who Waited, The Power of Three)
 * The Doctor is summoned for help by someone calling his TARDIS phone. (TV: The Empty Child)
 * Clara received the Doctor's phone number for Wi-Fi support from the 'woman in the shop'. later revealed herself to be this woman. (TV: Death in Heaven)

DVD and Blu-ray releases
The Bells of Saint John was released on DVD and Blu-ray as part of Doctor Who Series 7 Part 2 on 22 May, 2013, and as part of The Complete Seventh Series on 24 September, 2013.