User:Epsilon the Eternal/Sandbox Two

Panda, an erudite, rakish, self-professed art critic, was commonly identified as a ten-inch-tall, fuzzy stuffed panda; mention of this, however, would cause Panda a great deal of offense, often driving Panda to resort to violence in retaliation.

Panda spent many of his later years travelling with the garish transtemporal adventuress known as Iris Wildthyme, aboard the Celestial Omnibus - a time machine of conflicting origin, but one thing that did remain consistent was its appearance: a red double decker bus, the 22 to Putney Common.

Though he was Iris' best friend, they often had rows and barneys, but they did it knowing that none of it really mattered. They simply argued for the sheer fun of it. (PROSE: Enter Wildthyme)

A complicated origin

 * Panda's origins were contradictory, likely a result with his travels with Iris Wildthyme, who often ignored the repercussions of time travel.

Once in his travels with Iris, Panda hotly postulated to her that he came from a "whole planet of Pandas", a place where he was among his own kind. (PROSE: Enter Wildthyme) There was indeed a (as called it) "Planet of the Bears", Ursino Six, which was home to a faction of reality-engineers resembling stuffed bears, with at least one having similar speech patterns to Panda. (PROSE: Teddy Sparkles Must Die!)

Meeting Iris

 * Panda first met Iris Wildthyme in a publishing company that was a secret offshoot of MIAOW, (AUDIO: Wildthyme at Large) however as time went on, and other earlier incarnations of Iris met him prematurely, (PROSE: Death of the Author, Wandering Stars) Panda remembered his first encounter with Iris differently. (PROSE: Enter Wildthyme)

Panda once said that he didn't know how long he'd been travelling with Iris, "what with all the flitting about we do - backwards, forwards and diagonally through the alternate paradigms - it’s well nigh impossible to pin down anything at all. Some events we’ve done, done again, gone back to with gusto, then with ennui, erased from history, reinstated, improved upon - and then lived through once more for good measure." He also preferred others to take care of continuity and chronology, with himself preferrring to "live and run about!". (PROSE: Enter Wildthyme)

According to several accounts, Panda spent many of his later years living with Iris' ex-companion Tom in the late 1990s and the early 2000s. During this time, he contemplated writing his memoirs, (AUDIO: Wildthyme at Large) but was unable to due to his paws jamming the keys. (PROSE: Enter Wildthyme) In the mid 2000s, Iris reunited with Tom, and after she left again, Tom felt guilty about the novels he wrote about her, so, taking Panda with him, he set off to his publisher, Mida Slike, to ask her to relieve him of his contractual obligation to write more novels. Mida refused, getting increasingly heated with Tom. Tom and Panda attempted to flee, but were captured by MIAOW, who were working for Mida. Panda first met (although he knew who she was) when she arrived in her bus, being controlled by the Head, who was after Iris' memories, stored inside a Memory Crystal. The Head almost succeeded in taking the Memory Crystal from Tom, but Panda grabbed it, throwing it down hard onto the ground, shattering it, allowing Iris to save the day, and getting her memories back. (AUDIO: Wildthyme at Large) However, Panda later recollected that he had thought Iris was just a fictional creation of Tom's. (PROSE: Enter Wildthyme)

According to one account, Panda was in fact Steven Taylor's toy mascot, HiFi. He had been inadvertently left inside the TARDIS after Steven's departure, and when the Second Doctor was put on trial, Panda finally left the TARDIS, whereupon he stumbled into Iris Wildthyme in a pub in the under-city of Gallifrey. (PROSE: The Runaway HiFi)

Adventures with Iris and Tom
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Adventures with Iris
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The truth of Iris' origins
Panda remained on the Celestial Omnibus when Iris investigated strange happenings in Darlington, knowing how the locals would react to his appearance. Still, he made himself useful by relaying information to Iris from the Omnibus.

Iris returned to the Omnibus with her new friend, Simon, and the three of them used the Omnibus to travel to the Begins at Home, the source of the strange happenings. Returning to Darlington, they discovered Anthony Marvelle's scheme to reach the Obverse. They leave with Simon's friend Kelly, travelling to an alternate Paris in 1894, on the brink of the Martian invasion.

They left Paris hastily, and they drop Kelly off back in Darlington after she found she couldn't handle the stress of time travel. Barbra, a Servo-furnishing, stowed away with them when they travelled to Valcea. On their journey to the City of Glass, Panda and Simon discovered a tear in the Very Fabric, left by Marvelle, inside the Omnibus, and they go though it, finding themselves at a Vince Cosmos concert in 1973, and saving Vince from an assassination attempt by Martian Time Agents.

At the after party, a future version of Iris arrived to tell them to get back to the Omnibus. Panda and Simon return to the Omnibus, and they finally reach the City of Glass. They're immediately captured by the Wardrobes, who torture Panda for information. He escaped with Simon and Iris after a bomb that had been secretly placed inside Barbra begins to explode, and Iris pilots the Omnibus to Hyspero, following Marvelle. (PROSE: Enter Wildthyme)

Further adventures with Iris
Iris and Panda once arrived at a cathedral one stormy night, meeting the young verger outside. After listening to his story about encountering a ghost, they spend the night inside the Celestial Omnibus. The next morning, they went into the cathedral, meeting the aloof bishop and Iris' enemies, the Soroptimists. After encountering the unusual ghost, they descended to the crypt at midnight, where they were trapped, time slowing down around them. Knowing that the only solution is to change the future by orchestrating the ghost from the start, this becomes reality, with the bishop actually acting upon instructions from Iris and Panda from the not too distant future, and with his help, they escape. (PROSE: Iris Wildthyme and the Unholy Ghost)

Panda found himself trapped within the Gallery with a mysterious individual known as Mister Heart. This strange old man lured Panda into a succession of realities stored within paintings, with Panda's fate in each ending grisly. Iris had actually spent seventy four years inside the paintings, deliberately causing Panda's death, in order to free him from being trapped forever. He and Iris escaped, only for Mister Heart to have a new painting for his collection, one of Iris and Panda in the Celestial Omnibus... (PROSE: Framed)

Teaming up with Señor 105, they were sent on a quest to retrieve all the slices of the celestial gateau once again. After finding the third slice among vampiric versions of the Rolling Stones, they took it carefully back to the Celestial Omnibus. As that day was also Panda's birthday, they prepared him a surprise cake, but Iris accidentally ate the Celestial gateau, her mouth glowing bright orange. (PROSE: Deleted Scene from 'Iris Wildthyme and the Key Lime Pie 2 Time' - 'Part 3: The Stones of Blood')

Future Legend goes here Following Iris' discovery of the Celestial Omnibus' fate, she and Panda arrived at a warehouse filled with double decker buses, hunting for parts to repair the Celestial Omnibus. Things went terribly wrong when the ghost of a ticket inspector began haunting them. Iris defeated it with a strange gun, much to Panda's disappointment, as he was in the process of getting the ghost to pass on. (PROSE: Just the Ticket)

Iris and Panda once visited a village, throwing nightly parties and attempting to stop a gaseous villain, to no avail, and the village was destroyed, leaving only around two-dozen survivors. (PROSE: The Party in Room Four)

Iris and Panda were turned into fiction and trapped within the bleed margin of a book. (PROSE: Untitled)

Iris and Panda attended a wine tasting, and they killed something with a bottle. (PROSE: The Panda Book of Horror)

Leaving Iris
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Undated events
Panda once implied to have met Cleopatra. (PROSE: Enter Wildthyme)

At some point in his life, Panda enrolled at Coal Hill School, where he caught the attention of his teachers Ian and Barbara, for his positively rude demeanour. One foggy night, the two teachers followed Panda to Putney Common, coming across a double-decker bus and Iris herself. Iris invited the teachers onboard, and the teachers threaten to call social services about Panda, thinking he's living in a hovel/stolen municipal vehicle. Iris offered them drinks, and Barbara took one, much to Ian's astonishment. Iris then whisked them away in her bus to somewhere fabulous. (PROSE: An Unearthly Palaver)

Living with Paul Magrs and Jeremy
Panda once met Paul Magrs and his partner Jeremy in Norwich. Panda travalled with them to Manchester, where he moved in with them in their flat, and Panda stayed with the couple when they moved into their cosy new home in Levenshulme. Panda spent most of his time with the couple, so if they would go on holiday to places such as Paris, Panda would accompany them. Panda also spent his time reading biographies and reviewing ballet and opera for "serious-minded broadsheets".

When Fester Cat, a cat that Paul and Jeremy took in off the streets in 2006, moved in, Panda would often make conversation with Fester, but Fester was sceptical about Panda being "real". (PROSE: The Story of Fester Cat)

In 2012, Panda visited the Rollright Stones with Paul and Jeremy after they returned from the Utopia convention, and Panda was "delighted" that the stones were "Panda-sized". (PROSE: The Stones of Spookiness)

In 2013, Fester began work on a book about his life with Paul and Jeremy. Fester actually omitted Panda from most of the book, as he was still unsure about Panda. (PROSE: The Story of Fester Cat) However, in a short story Fester wrote to publicize his book, Fester showed that he had finally accepted that Panda was real. (PROSE: Fester and the Christmas Mouse)

Legacy
The Martians held an ancient legend about a "certain Panda deity who visited them in a scarlet chariot that came from the stars...". As such, the Martians were panda-phobic. (PROSE: Enter Wildthyme)

By 2009, Paul Magrs' stories about Iris Wildthyme also included Panda. (PROSE: Brenda's B&B)

Lionel Pandeau
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The Gallery
Panda once found himself in a mysterious place known only as The Gallery, and Mister Heart kept repeatedly luring Panda into other realities, in a ploy to capture Panda within a painting. In these worlds, Panda experienced being other versions of himself, including:

Chef Panda

 * This foul-mouthed and rude version of Panda hosted a reality TV show called What The F**k Do You Call That?, where he would be invited into a home, ridiculing and berating any minor flaw. At the filming of one fateful episode, Panda was given a summer pudding by Janine Bonaventura and her family, which was filled with stuffing, causing him to choke and die.

Art Critic Panda

 * This version of Panda was a judge for an art competition. He had a secretive relationship with young Antoinette Bisby, who turned out to have an ulterior motive of exposing Panda and his fellow judges for their corruption. This betrayal broke Panda's heart, as he was genuinely in love with Antoinette, and he slit his throat with a piece of a shattered trophy in despair.

Author Panda

 * This other version of Panda was an author who had just released a bestselling novel, but when a secret message was discovered in his book, Panda killed himself as he knew he had no future.

As it turned out, Iris had spent seventy-four years deliberately causing the death of Panda within these realities, so as to prevent Panda being trapped in a painting for all eternity. (PROSE: Framed)

In an universe of anti-matter
While on a mission for MIAOW, Panda visited a wildlife sanctuary, where he was transported to universe of anti-matter. There, he met two Pandas, one "young and frivolous", the other "old and venerable", who wasn't able to make it through the Event Horizon, so he had to communicate via Skype. (PROSE: From Wildthyme with Love)

Personality
In retrospect, Panda considered himself to be pragmatic and down-to-Earth prior to his adventures with Iris. He also found that being obtuse was, to him at least, "one of the finest pleasures life [had] to offer". (PROSE: Enter Wildthyme)

Panda was highly sensitive over his unusual composition, so when somebody highlighted it, he would be scandalized. (PROSE: The Story of Fester Cat, Enter Wildthyme, et al) Panda often then resorted to violence in retaliiation. (AUDIO: Iris Wildthyme and the Panda Invasion, PROSE: Enter Wildthyme, et al)

Panda was in touch with his sexuality, despite being a stuffed toy, expressing a particular interest in Mida Slike, head of MIAOW, who he though was gorgeous, (AUDIO: Wildthyme at Large) as well as having "splendid boobs". (PROSE: Iris Wildthyme and the Polythene Terror)

Reactions to Panda

 * Due to the obvious fact Panda was most regularly viewed as a living stuffed toy, reactions to Panda varied.

While most people simply accepted the fact Panda was a walking and talking stuffed bear, (PROSE: Iris Wildthyme and the Unholy Ghost, The Story of Fester Cat, et al.) some individuals reacted in different ways: Albert was too dismayed and embarrassed to talk to Panda; Bessy thought that Paul Magrs and Jeremy were "freaks" for being friends with him; Fester Cat was initially flabbergasted, before remaining sceptical about Panda for several years, (PROSE: The Story of Fester Cat) although he eventually accepted Panda, and stood up for him on Panda's behalf. (PROSE: Fester and the Christmas Mouse) When visiting Darlington, Panda remained inside the Celestial Omnibus, to avoid arousing unhelpful reactions to his nature. (PROSE: Enter Wildthyme)

I'll be rewriting these paragraphs soon

Panda often acted with a deal of snobbery, knowing fully that he's more eloquent, versed, and knowledgeable on a wide range of things, from fine cuisine to the most talented individuals from the 20th century, than the average individual. (AUDIO: Wildthyme at Large, PROSE: Framed, et al)

Panda was highly sensitive over the fact that he was a stuffed bear, so whenever this was pointed out to him, he would threaten to "punch you up the hooter", (AUDIO: Wildthyme at Large) an act he was more than prepared deliver.

Panda was an aficionado of varying types of alcohol, preparing and drinking a plethora of different alcoholic drinks.

Appearance
Due to the fact that he had no fingers, Panda had to stick blu-tack onto his paws in order to turn pages of books. (PROSE: Iris Wildthyme and the Unholy Ghost)

Fester Cat thought that Panda had a fruity, hectoring voice, (PROSE: The Story of Fester Cat) and sharp, black, beady eyes. (PROSE: Fester and the Christmas Mouse)

Apart from being a stuffed toy, Panda dressed debonair, often donning a cravat, (PROSE: Framed, Enter Wildthyme, et al) a smoking jacket, (PROSE: Framed)

Behind the scenes

 * to be added