The Two Irises (audio story)

The Two Irises was the fifth release in the Iris Wildthyme audio series. It was the third story in the second season. It was written by Simon Guerrier.

Publisher's summary
Iris is dead: to begin with. There is no doubt whatever about that. She sacrificed herself to save her best friend, Panda, then exploded inside her time-travelling bus.

On Earth in the year 2108, the North Bloc and the South Bloc teeter on the edge of terrible nuclear war. The fate of the whole world rests on a not-very-good disco in Spain. One run by the dastardly alien Naxians…

Iris Wildthyme is as dead as a doornail. But her new incarnation is going to have to get stuck in. Poor bloke doesn't stand a chance.

Plot
Iris announces her retirement and wishes her replacement the best of luck.

Panda wakes up in the bus to find that Iris has saved the universe by baking a cheesecake from the milk of a gigantic bat. To his surprise, a man appears, claiming to the next incarnation of Iris. According to him, the previous incarnation died from a plague as there was only enough cheesecake cure for Panda.

Panda wakes up, thinking that Iris' new identity was merely a dream. He has trouble accepting the man as Iris, although he does appreciate the man's suit. The new Iris throws out their best booze, much to Panda's chagrin. They proceed to fight over Panda's hip flask, which Iris wins by tickling the bear.

Iris takes Panda to an extravagant Roman party, yet Panda spends his time sulking in the corner, clutching his hip flask. Panda insists that this new Iris is too different from the previous incarnation. He goes to the bus, where he finds the phone ringing.

Iris comes back to the bus and Panda gives him a message from Roger, the man that was on the phone, although Iris does not recognize the name. They go to the coordinates as instructed by Roger to find that he is a Naxian. Iris and Panda flee. Iris notices that his new body is adept at running. The Naxian sneaks up on them and takes them prisoner in an old retro dance club.

Although Iris disapproves, Panda clutches to his hip flask as he finds it comforting. Panda condemns Iris for not having an escape plan. Roger, a Naxian warlord enters the room. He claims to have been at Radio Yesterday, and he begins weeping after Iris fails to remember their prior romance.

Roger grew weary of war after being dumped by Iris, and decided to live in the past and run a night club instead. During this time in Earth history, there are two opposing military forces: the North Bloc and the South Bloc. The club is technically in an independent state, however it is being attacked by both sides, as they fear that copious "cheap music" has the power to corrupt the world. They are still alive because of the electro-shield, however this shield also blocks radio waves from leaving the shield. Roger believes that "through the power of disco" he can create world peace. Roger reveals that he has named his club after Iris.

Iris decides to help Roger. In private, Iris tells Panda that he is no longer interested in Roger, partly due to the Naxian's gender. Iris is planning on running out once the situation is pacified.

Roger tells Panda that he doesn't care about physical gender. Iris fixes the radio, allowing the radio waves to exit the electro-field. As a side effect, the radio waves activate the nuclear weapons of both major powers. Panda realizes that the entire event has been planned by Roger in order to lure Iris to save him. Panda and Iris try to leave, but Roger reacts in anger and refuses to let them leave. He combines with the other Naxians, creating one unified Naxian beast.

Iris is unsure of what to do. In response, Panda opens his hip flask, and the previous incarnation of Iris appears outside the bus. The female Iris is annoyed to learn that the male Iris has thrown out all the booze. Iris reveals that Panda's hip flask is actually a temporal link to the "rehab dimension", where the female Iris was taking a vacation.

The female Iris expresses pleasure in returning to this dimension as the rehab dimension was quite dull. The female Iris approaches Roger. Iris agrees to go out to dinner with Roger if he will turn off the music. The male Iris is impressed at the speed at which the female Iris has fixed the situation. Panda informs them that the nuclear arsenals of the two major powers have been armed in response to the music.

Iris then contacts the military leader of the North Bloc, but he claims that he can't disarm the weapons.

More to be added...

Cast

 * Iris Wildthyme - Katy Manning
 * Panda - David Benson
 * Iris Wildthyme - Daniel Hogarth
 * Roger the Naxian - John Dorney
 * Barry - Scott Handcock

Continuity

 * The South and North Bloc states were first seen in TV: Warriors of the Deep.
 * Several references are made to the Radio Yesterday gambit. (AUDIO: The Sound of Fear)
 * Iris mentions an adventure with her other selves. (AUDIO: Excelis Dawns, PROSE: The Scarlet Empress)