Rhyme or Reason (comic story)

Rhyme or Reason was the back-up comic story published in Titan Publishing's Once Upon a Time Lord graphic novel, starring the Ninth Doctor and Rose Tyler.

Summary
Following their encounter with the Pyromeths, the Tenth Doctor and Martha finally get time to sit down in the TARDIS and taste the drink from Bobalabinko that tastes exactly like ginger ale. Martha is astonished, but as she enthuses, she starts speaking gibberish, as does the Doctor when he tries to explain what is going on. He mentions that the TARDIS' translation field is acting up due to being exposed to the Pyrometh realm's time before most languages existed. With a few hits to the console from his hammer, the problem is fixed, but it reminds him of a story. Encouraged by Martha, who has had to tell stories herself all day, the Doctor thinks back to the time when he was travelling with Rose Tyler...

Above 2005 Earth, the Ninth Doctor and Rose are on a spaceship trying to foil a Terileptil plot to hit the planet with a de-evolution ray, but they have already been captured and thrown in an energy cell without the sonic screwdriver and with only five minutes to go. As the Terileptil commander brags to a floating TV camera about how the planet's inhabitants will return to their "delicious" primordial forms and is willing to sell Earth to the highest bidder, the Doctor swears that he will break out and stop them. Rose, however, starts telling the Doctor in Pig Latin that she has a plan because she has retrieved the sonic screwdriver. The Terileptils immediately enter the cell to confiscate it, and when Rose asks how they could understand her coded language, the Doctor explains that the TARDIS translation field has translated everything she said into perfect Terrileptillian. Asking what to do now, the Doctor proclaims, "We ooh-day what we usually ooh-day! We un-ray!" Barging past the Terileptils, he grabs the sonic screwdriver back, takes Rose's hand, and runs.

Narrowly avoiding the laser blasts of two Terileptil guards down a corridor, Rose points out that his idea does not sound like a strong plan, and the Doctor gets a flash of inspiration. He decides to use sound to his advantage in an "ad homonym" attack - replacing every word he says with its homonym, so it sounds identical but means something completely different. It works, with his instruction to "Jest dew watt aye dew" translating literally into "Joke droplet energy-unit yes droplet" for the Terileptils, baffling them at the supposed nonsense.

The Doctor and Rose reach the two artificial gravity controls and switch them off, sending the Terileptil guards floating around the room. However, Rose is forced to do the next stage alone; the Doctor tells her to reverse the polarity of the neutron flow so the de-evolution ray reverses, saving the Earth but devolving everyone on board the ship. Although he deeply apologises for seemingly dooming them, Rose suggests ad homonym that they could simply go for a walk out of the airlock. With the plan set, they turn the gravity back on and run for some space suits, with the Terileptil guards not coming around until they have already left. The guards return to their commander, all thoroughly confused.

Finally, the de-evolution ray hits the ship with the Doctor and Rose waiting safely outside in their space suits. They re-enter to find the trio of Terileptils turned into harmless small snake-like creatures, which Rose longs to keep as pets, but the Doctor insists that they go home to Terileptus, or at least a zoo. She relents but admits that she does not know what a homonym is, to the Doctor's astonishment.

Back in the present, Martha admits to the Tenth Doctor that it was a fun story, as they pick up a purchase from a Local Shop on Earth. Taking a slurp, the Doctor is astonished that ginger ale tastes exactly like the drink from Bobalabinko. As they return to the TARDIS, he praises Martha's storytelling abilities and tells her she could do well with it as a new career, but she laughs off the idea of dropping out of her medical studies just to "walk around and tell stories about you all day". The Doctor tells her to never write off the idea as he enters the TARDIS doors, not noticing the Vote Saxon posters stuck on the wall behind...

Characters

 * Ninth Doctor
 * Rose Tyler
 * Terileptil commander
 * Terileptils
 * Tenth Doctor
 * Martha Jones

The TARDIS

 * The TARDIS translation circuit can translate Dalek, Gelth, and Pig Latin.
 * The Terileptils speak in Terrileptillian.
 * Taking the TARDIS to a time and place that predates most modern languages can cause the translation circuit to act up.

Languages

 * Rose talks to the Doctor in Pig Latin in order to hide their plans from the Terileptils. This fails, as the TARDIS is able to translate it.
 * The Doctor and Rose trick the translation circuit, and the Terileptils, by speaking ad homonym.

Continuity

 * The Tenth Doctor and Martha have just encountered the Pyromeths, where Martha was forced to tell stories. Martha also finally gets to try the drink from Bobalabinko that she was promised. (COMIC: )
 * The Ninth Doctor tells Rose about the Dalek and Gelth languages. (TV:, )
 * There are "Vote Saxon" posters hanging outside the Local Shop. (TV:, etc.)
 * Martha laughs off the idea of dropping everything and travelling to tell stories about the Doctor. She is later required to spend a year doing exactly that. (TV: )