The Bells of Saint John (TV story)

The Bells of Saint John was the sixth regular episode of the seventh series of Doctor Who produced by BBC Wales. It introduced a new companion to the show, although she had, in different forms, previously appeared in both TV: Asylum of the Daleks and The Snowmen.

Synopsis
London, 2013. "Danger. This is a warning. A warning to the whole world. You're looking for Wi-Fi. Sometimes you see something, a bit like this. Don't click it. Do not click it. Once you've clicked it, they're in your computer. They can see you. If they can see you, they might choose you. And if they do... you die."

When Clara Oswald has problems with her Internet, she's given a telephone number: the number of "the best help line in the universe." When the Eleventh Doctor answers at the other end, Clara is pulled into a life of adventure and mystery. But danger is lurking in the signals, picking off minds and imprisoning them. "It's like immortality, only fatal." But can the Doctor save Clara before... "I don't know where I am."

Plot
Nabile warns anyone listening about the dangers of the Wi-Fi. He shows a placard with some odd symbols, and warns not to connect to any networks with writing like this. If you do, you'll get chosen. And people who get chosen die within 24 hours. At least temporarily — their souls live on, trapped. Sometimes you can hear their cries, "I don't know where I am," on the radio, on the telly, or on the net. Nabile says that he knows this because, "I don't know where I am." He's trapped in a screen, surrounded by a wall of other victims who are all calling out in fear and confusion, "I don't know where I am."

In Cumbria, 1207, the bells of Saint John are ringing. A monk named Paul pounds on a set of impressive doors, calling to wake the Abbot. As they head into a cave, Paul asks the Abbot if they call him the Mad Monk. The Abbot informs him that he is no monk. They give their message to the Eleventh Doctor, who asks for a horse. As he goes to prepare, the monks discuss the painting in his room of the Woman Twice Dead, and her last message, "RUN, YOU CLEVER BOY, AND REMEMBER." The Abbot observes that if the Doctor is mad, that is his madness.

Meanwhile, in London 2013, it is 3:30pm and Clara Oswald is having trouble with connecting her computer to the internet. She tells Angie that she's been ringing the help line but they don't answer. George comes through on his way out, saying that the adverts to replace Clara are in. Clara catches sight of the book that Artie has, Summer Falls, by Amelia Williams. He tells her he's on chapter 10. She replies that "eleven is the best. You'll cry your eyes out." They head out, and Clara chants "pick it up pick it up" as she goes upstairs to her computer and continues to try the help line.

Back in 1207, the Doctor and the monks arrive to find the TARDIS police box telephone (which is next to a St Johns Ambulance sticker), is ringing. A very confused Doctor picks up the phone, to be told that the caller can't find the Internet. The Doctor slowly realises that the caller is in modern-day London. Clara was given his number by a woman in a shop, and told that "it's the best helpline out there. In the universe, she said." The Doctor starts to explain he's not actually a help line, but gives up and asks if she's tried clicking on the Wi-Fi button. She first tries the Maitland_Family link, but needs the password from Angie, who gives her a mnemonic to remember it. She mutters the phrase aloud on the phone as she enters it. "Run you clever boy and remember." The Doctor recognises her voice and the phrase, and shouts, spoiling her concentration. She puts in the wrong password. She goes back to the screen this time choosing the open network with the strange symbols.

Other lines of symbols appear on her computer, and Clara's room appears in a wall of little screens showing people. Clara runs out of screen to answer her frantically ringing doorbell. The Doctor, still in his Monk's robes, greets her in excitement. "Clara Oswin Oswald?"

Revealing that Oswin's not part of her name, Clara states that she doesn't remember him. "Doctor who?" He asks her to repeat herself, twice, and tells her how much he enjoyed hearing that said out loud. Clara takes that moment to close the door on him, locking it. She pauses on the stairs as he continues to pound on the door.

The wall of little screens is in a dark room full of computers and people, where an analyst approaches his superior. Alexei calls Clara borderline, meaning she's "very clever, but no computer skills." Miss Kizlet tells him to 'upload' her anyway, and 'splice' her a computer skills package. He responds that he'll activate the Spoonheads, which Kizlet complained were called 'servers'. As she returns to her office, Kizlet discusses him with Mahler, then decides that they should probably kill him, but only after he gets back from holiday — "let's not be unreasonable."

Mahler is worried that they're uploading too many people, too quickly, that they'll get noticed. She tries to comfort him, calling this "immortality, only fatal." She then picks up a tablet which shows his name and picture, and sliders marked conscience, paranoia, obedience and IQ. She lowers the conscience slider, and he backs down. Mahler then realizes that she hacked him, as reflected by his rising paranoia slider. He voices his concerns, to which Miss Kizlet coolly asks, "Because you changed your mind?" and lowers the paranoia until he's walked out of the office.

Back with Clara, the Doctor begs to be let in. Clara continues ignoring it. But, then, suddenly, footsteps can be heard upstairs. Angie? No response. A little girl walks down the stairs. Clara asks if she's a friend of Angie's, and the girl repeats just that. When asked what she was doing upstairs, the girl replies that she was upstairs. Clara thinks she recognises her — and the girl repeats, "You know me, don't you?"

Clara realises that the girl is from the cover of Summer Falls, the book that Artie had. The girl's head turns — all the way around, 180 degrees — revealing a spoon-like indentation in the back of her head. Clara backs away, scared.

In the TARDIS, the Doctor decides that a change of clothes is in order, since "Monks are not cool." He tries on a fez, then drops a tweed jacket, in favour of a new one. With new clothes on, the Doctor opens up a compartment below the control room, and takes out a box with a bow tie in it.

He walks out of the TARDIS, excited to make a better impression. He asks her to let him in through the intercom, and she responds with, "I don't know where I am", clearly upset as she continues. Using his sonic screwdriver, the Doctor enters the house, and finds Clara lying on the floor, unconscious. She's not moving but he can still hear her cries. Looking up, he realises that her voice is coming from the Spoonhead, which still looks like the little girl. Clara's face can now be seen in the indentation. He uses his screwdriver on the little girl and it reveals the true form of the Spoonhead, a walking robotic 'base station'. The upload halts and the Doctor thinks aloud that it is "hoovering up data. Hoovering up people." It used a camouflage based on its victim's thoughts. He quickly scans with the screwdriver, and finds Clara's laptop upstairs. He grabs it and brings it back downstairs. He begins to reverse the upload, typing rapidly.

At the secret base, Alexei is working on Clara's acquisition when an alarm goes off. He, Mahler, and Ms Kizlet find that the download metre for Clara has halted and is going down rapidly. They marvel and Mahler reveals that such a reverse is possible, in theory. Alexei is typing rapidly, apparently attempting to block the reversal, but the Doctor prevails and the bar goes all the way down to zero. A pause, and then the Spoonhead transmits a pillar of light that returns to Clara. The Doctor checks her pulse.

At Kizlet's office, they find that their hacker has left a message: "UNDER MY PROTECTION - The Doctor." She shoos Mahler out, to contact her client. "Sir. The one you told me about. He's here. The Doctor is here."

In Clara's room, the Doctor is tidying up. He takes out Jammie Dodgers, half-eating one and leaving it on the plate. He then leaves the room. Waking up from her sleep, she pokes out the window, and the Doctor, outside guarding her, recounts everything that she'd missed. Clara reveals that she is a friend of the family who live in the house, and she looks after the children - a "governess", as the previous version of Clara that the Doctor met had been.

They realise that Clara has gained greater knowledge of computers as a result of being partially uploaded. The duo spot another Spoonhead, sent to re-upload Clara, before all the lights in the neighbourhood switch on, the residents being compelled to do so via the Wi-Fi. The lights in the rest of London go off, and the Doctor and Clara sight an aeroplane that is plummeting towards them. They travel aboard the plane in the TARDIS, and the Doctor manages to pull the plane out of its dive and revive the crew and passengers, who had been rendered unconscious via the Wi-Fi.

The Doctor and Clara travel forward to the next morning, and travel on a motorbike to a local café, where Clara uses her laptop to hack into the unknown organisation's webcams. She then searches for the staff on social network sites, where they have all detailed their work location — the Shard. In the café, the Doctor talks to several people who are being controlled remotely by Kizlet while Clara is re-uploaded by a Spoonhead replica of the Doctor. Upon realising what occurred, the Doctor sets off for the Shard on his motorbike and uses its anti-gravity setting to scale the building and crashes into Kizlet's office. He tells her to download Clara from the cloud. Kizlet states this is only possible if everyone else in the cloud is downloaded too. He says he knows, and tells her to download everyone. She refuses, and the Doctor states that he intends to motivate her. As his head spins around, Kizlet realises that this is not the Doctor, but a Spoonhead.

It is then revealed that the real Doctor is still at the café and has reprogrammed the Spoonhead. The Spoonhead uploads Kizlet. Experiencing the fear that her prior victims felt, she then from a TV screen orders her subordinates to download everyone. They initially do not, but the Doctor has the Spoonhead hack into one of her subordinates to make him susceptible to her instructions. They download everybody from the cloud. Later, as UNIT troops begin to take over the base, Kizlet reports a failure to the organisation's leader, revealed to be the Great Intelligence. He identifies UNIT as 'old friends' of the Doctor, and orders her to restore the members of the organisation to their 'factory settings'. As a result, all the organisation members' memories after being inducted are wiped, with Miss Kizlet revealed to have been aiding the Great Intelligence for most of her life, as she now has the mentality of a scared child. Clara and the Doctor then talk inside the TARDIS, where the Doctor invites her to travel with him. She declines, but tells him to come back the next day to ask her again.

Cast

 * The Doctor - Matt Smith
 * Clara Oswald - Jenna-Louise Coleman
 * Nabile – Manpreet Bachu
 * Paul – Sean Knopp
 * The Abbot – James Greene
 * Angie – Eve De Leon Allen
 * Artie – Kassius Carey Johnson
 * George – Geff Francis
 * Miss Kizlet – Celia Imrie
 * Mahler – Robert Whitelock
 * Alexei - Dan Li
 * Little Girl – Daniella Eames
 * Pilot – Antony Edridge
 * Barista – Fred Pearson
 * Waitress – Jade Anouka
 * Newsreader – Olivia Hill
 * Man with Chips – Matthew Earley
 * Child reading Comic – Isabella Blake-Thomas
 * The Great Intelligence - Richard E Grant

Buildings

 * The Shard is Miss Kizlet's base.

Communication technology

 * Clara jokes about Twitter.
 * Everyone at the base was on Facebook, Twitter, Foursquare, Google+ or Tumblr, and they all posted the location of their workplace in some fashion.
 * Peoples' voices could be heard on the radio, on televisions, and on the internet.

TARDIS

 * Clara calls the TARDIS a "snog box."
 * There's a garage in the TARDIS.

Time Lords

 * The Doctor claims that Time Lords have two hearts and 27 brains. He then admits that he was exaggerating.

Vehicles

 * The Doctor owns an anti-gravity motorbike, which he states he rode in a motor race during the Anti-Grav Olympics in 2074, where he came last in the competition.
 * The Doctor claims to have just invented the quadricycle.

Other

 * George, Artie, and Angie's household Wi-Fi network is named "Maitland_Family".
 * Clara has skipped ages 16 and 23 in the list of ages on the inside cover of her book.

Story notes

 * This story takes a lot of the directing tropes of the BBC television series , a show written and created by Doctor Who show runner Steven Moffat and writer Mark Gatiss, with two episodes at the time of broadcast written by Steve Thompson. A prime example of this is formulas and words appearing on-screen.
 * The title of this episode is a reference to the phone incorporated into the TARDIS police box disguise, and to the "St. John Ambulance" logo on the door of this version of the TARDIS. The "Bells" part is referring to the police box phone ringing.
 * As with all of the Series 7 episodes, this episode has individually stylized opening credits: the Doctor Who logo sports a weathered metallic texture, much like that of an old spoon, alluding to the Spoonheads of this story.
 * To keep the reappearance of the Great Intelligence a surprise, Richard E. Grant was not credited in Radio Times. He was, however, originally listed on the BBC website, but was subsequently taken down.

Ratings
to be added

Filming locations

 * The Shard
 * Westminster Bridge

Production errors

 * Before the motorcycle scene, the TARDIS's doors are open when the Doctor comes forward but then, when he starts riding, they are shown closed and apparently he did not remotely control them.
 * During the motorcycle scene, a crew member and camera can be seen reflected in the Doctor's helmet.
 * During the same scene, Clara's hands go back and forth between the Doctor's belly and his shoulder on each cut, sometimes in the middle of a line.
 * When Clara is entering the Doctor's TARDIS, her mug shakes several times, which would cause it to spill, yet it doesn't. Later, on the Aeroplane, she starts to take a sip but is pulled away by the Doctor, and it still doesn't spill. However, when she returns to the TARDIS, she takes a sip, proving once and for all that it wasn't empty and that it should have spilled several times.
 * When the Doctor and Clara are talking after she wakes up, he sets the laptop on the ground and the monitor is upright, however, after the camera switches back to him from Clara, the screen is bent back.
 * While in the aeroplane, you can't see the city below through the open windows.
 * When the TARDIS has travelled to the aeroplane, just before the Doctor gets out, a scene change is visible and the wall position changes.
 * When the Doctor enters the house to save Clara it can be seen by the actresses' hands that the Spoonhead is standing backwards, rather than forwards with head turned completely around.

Continuity

 * This isn't the first time that the Doctor has encountered an alien whose plan was to upload humans to a popular technology. Previously, the Tenth Doctor encountered the Wire, who extracted the faces of humans. Both times, the victims were trapped in screens. (TV: The Idiot's Lantern)
 * Another striking similarity to TV: The Idiot's Lantern is the use of the motorbike: in both stories the Doctor rides it with his current companion through the streets of London and subsequently he rides it on his own after he loses the companion girl. In TV: The Idiot's Lantern the companion was Rose Tyler, who begins to enquire on her own before being captured by the Wire, while Clara is captured after a few moments and then the Doctor rides alone.
 * The Doctor rides a motorbike out of the TARDIS. Previously, a motorbike drove into the TARDIS, turned around, and drove back out. (TV: Doctor Who)
 * The Doctor tells Clara that they are riding a motorbike because he does not bring the TARDIS into battle, fearing that it may fall into the wrong hands. The same concern had been expressed by the Ninth Doctor to Rose Tyler. He actually has used the TARDIS fairly often in battle or at least had it on a battlefield. (TV: The Parting of the Ways, Journey's End, Day of the Moon, A Good Man Goes to War)
 * Clara is referred to as "The Woman Twice Dead." She had, in fact, died twice. (TV: Asylum of the Daleks, The Snowmen)
 * A painting of Clara by the Doctor reads, "RUN, YOU CLEVER BOY, AND REMEMBER." Clara also says this later while trying to remember a password. (TV: Asylum of the Daleks, The Snowmen)
 * The Doctor states that he is 1,000 years old, presumably rounding his age for convenience since he was speaking in a hurry at the time. Most recently, he claimed to be 1,200. (TV: A Town Called Mercy)
 * When Clara is sucked into to Wi-Fi, she asks "Where am I?" - the exact same question Oswin Oswald asked in when she realized she is a Dalek. (TV: Asylum of the Daleks)
 * The Doctor mentions that the TARDIS's telephone should not work. (TV: The Empty Child)
 * The Doctor can't fly an aeroplane. He'd previously claimed that he was due for a lesson in flying a bi-plane in 1911, but never attended the lesson. (TV: The Impossible Astronaut)
 * The Doctor mentions that Angie, one of the children Clara babysits, went to stay over at Nina's. (TV: Asylum of the Daleks)
 * After saving Clara from being downloaded, the Doctor sends a message to her attempted captors stating that she's "under my protection." (TV: ''The Christmas Invasion, The Eleventh Hour)
 * Summer Falls, a book that Clara owns, was written by Amelia Williams. (TV: ''The Angels Take Manhattan)
 * The Doctor once again wears Amy's reading glasses. (TV: ''The Angels Take Manhattan, The Snowmen)
 * Miss Kizlet's client is revealed to be the Great Intelligence, which still has Walter Simeon's image, despite it being over a century since it first took his form. (TV: ''The Snowmen)
 * The Doctor mentions having two hearts. (TV: Spearhead from Space, et al.)
 * The Doctor briefly dons a fez, but gives it to a young boy standing outside the TARDIS. (TV: The Big Bang, A Christmas Carol)
 * The Doctor notes that travelling short hops in the TARDIS can be difficult. (TV: State of Decay, Army of Ghosts, Dinosaurs on a Spaceship, The Seeds of Death)
 * The Doctor already disguised himself as a monk in Saxon England, along with another Time Lord. (TV: "A Battle of Wits")
 * Monks, unlike bow ties, fezzes, and 1960s NASA technology, are evidently not cool. (TV: The Eleventh Hour, The Big Bang, The Impossible Astronaut)
 * The Doctor's fondness for Jammie Dodgers is seen again. (TV: Victory of the Daleks, The Impossible Astronaut)
 * When Clara calls the Doctor in the year 1207, Clara believes she is calling another time zone; the Doctor says "You have no idea" and apologises about her phone bill. (TV: The End of the World, The Eleventh Hour)
 * When they find the TARDIS, Mahler states that "Earl's Court" was an embarrassment, a reference to the real-life police box outside the Earl's Court Underground station in London. The Great Intelligence was pointed at the London Underground as a key strategic weakness, and eventually fought the Doctor there. (TV: The Snowmen, The Web of Fear)
 * Clara and the Maitland family are shown on the network map to live in Ealing (immediately north-northwest of the intersection of South Ealing Road and Pope's Lane); the majority of the spin-off series, The Sarah Jane Adventures, took place in Ealing.
 * Clara thinks of "Oswin" as a username.
 * The Abbott points out that the Doctor is definitely not a monk, mirroring the Doctor's own statement that he was one in A Good Man Goes to War.

Home video releases
to be added