Bang-Bang-a-Boom! (audio story)

Bang-Bang-a-Boom! was the thirty-ninth monthly Doctor Who audio story produced by Big Finish Productions. It was the second audio story to feature Sylvester McCoy's Seventh Doctor and Melanie Bush played by Bonnie Langford.

As with the prior Mel story, The One Doctor, it was in many ways a parody — though this time of Star Trek, the Eurovision Song Contest and the classic Gerry Anderson 1970s show Space: 1999. Indeed, the title itself is a pun on "", the 1969 song by that gave a rare Eurovision win to the United Kingdom.

Publisher's summary
Dark Space 8 — an advanced monitoring station floating serenely among the stars. Its crew — a dedicated and highly-skilled group of professionals, calmly going about their vital work. Its mission — to boldly host the Intergalactic Song Contest.

With representatives from myriad worlds competing, the eyes of the universe are on the station. But dark deeds are afoot aboard Dark Space 8... and people are starting to die.

The haughty Queen Angvia; the gaseous gestalt Gholos; disposable pop idol Nicky Newman; erratic Professor Fassbinder; and the icily-efficient Dr Eleanor Harcourt — all are suspects. Could old political rivalries be manifesting themselves among the contestants? Is this the work of a breakaway terrorist faction? Or has someone just got it in for singer-songwriters?

With peace in the galaxy hanging by a thread, it's vital that the mystery is solved — and fast! Can Dark Space 8's unconventional new commander, with the help of his personal pilot, Mel, find the murderer in time to prevent a major intergalactic war?

Or will it be nul points for the entire universe...?

Part 1
The aging space station Dark Space 8 is mostly retired from saving the universe, much to the chagrin of its crew; but it is busy today, hosting the 309th Intergalactic Song Contest, which is being broadcast live to the galaxy under the leadership of famed presenter Logan. It includes two worlds with a history of war: Angvia, and the gestalt entity Gholos (whose representative is also called Gholos, as per its hive mind nature). Complicating things is the fact that Dark Space 8 is without a commander, Commander Paul Keele having died of Orion flu against the efforts of medic Eleanor Harcourt. A replacement, Commander John Ballard, is en route by shuttle—but Lieutenant Strindberg can’t contact it, and Professor Ivor Fassbender detects fluctuating chronon energy around it.

The TARDIS materializes aboard the shuttle, a long way from its intended destination of Paris. The Seventh Doctor and Mel find two bodies aboard, and a bomb attached to the shuttle. They try to flee to the TARDIS, but fail to make it in time—but Strindberg teleports them aboard Dark Space 8 just in time, as the shuttle explodes. Eleanor, the officer in charge, assumes they are Ballard and his pilot, and they play along for now. She shows them to “their” quarters, but en route, they encounter the Gholos representative—which looks like candy floss and does not speak English—and its human translator, Loozly. For once, even the Doctor is stymied by a language, and must rely on Loozly. Loozly demands an explanation for the explosion, and claims that its blast pattern indicates it was an Angvian scatter bomb. As Queen Angvia arrives, Loozly, along with another contestant from Cyrene, accuses her of attacking the Commander, and of threatening Gholos. Angvia dismisses this, but complains that her billing in the contest is too far down in the order. The Doctor, in his assumed role as commander, changes the running order to alphabetical, then heads for his quarters with Mel. He explains about the war between Angvia and Gholos, and says that this is a crucial moment; the two combatants are holding a peace conference on the Achilles 4 station. Mel suggests that the Doctor have Fassbender—who is oddly distracted—scan the shuttle wreckage and find the TARDIS. She also warns the Doctor that the real murderer of Commander Ballard may assume he failed, and target the Doctor.

Contestants continue to arrive as Logan provides commentary and Eleanor makes a log entry. Mel checks in on Fassbender while the Doctor is summoned to the command deck to deal with Angvia, who is complaining about being quartered next to Gholos. The contest’s arbiter, the mouselike Geri Pakhar, is also on hand, and helps the Doctor change up the housing arrangements; as they do so, Gholos and Loozly arrive to complain about the arrangements, but leave when they find it is already resolved. Eleanor takes the opportunity to cozy up to the “Commander”. Meanwhile, Fassbender tells Mel he found nothing in the scans; he promises to keep her posted, but she suspects he is hiding something. On her way out, she meets a young man named Nicky Newman, Earth’s representative to the contest. He is delighted to learn she doesn’t know him, as he is used to being universally recognised, and he becomes enchanted with her. Meanwhile, Geri compliments the Doctor, and admits that she is concerned for her sister Teri, who is an observer of the conference on Achilles 4. Suddenly an alarm goes off in the guest quarters. Mel and Nicky respond, and find the Cyrene contestant dead—and it is clearly murder.

Part 2
Eleanor, the Doctor, Geri, and Fassbender all respond to the alarm, meeting up with Mel and Nicky. Geri asks “the doctor” what has happened; the Doctor nearly answers before realizing it was addressed to Eleanor. Eleanor insists there was no foul play, but the Doctor finds two puncture wounds. Eleanor takes her to sickbay, while the others go to the guest lounge. Gholos, Loozly, and Angvia arrive; Loozly—on Gholos’s behalf—accuses Angvia of the murder and demands the contest be cancelled. The Doctor refuses, knowing this news could also disrupt the peace conference. Loozly and Gholos leave in anger, and Angvia warns the Doctor about the Gholos’s infamous “blue sting” which has allegedly killed many Angvians. Nicky speculates that this is what killed Cyrene, but the Doctor withholds opinion, and the group disperses. Nicky arranges to meet with Mel again later. Fassbender returns to his lab, but remarks on how odd it is for a Pakhar—who are top-level diplomats—to be judging a simple competition. Geri takes offense, calling the appointment prestigious. Meanwhile the Doctor sends Mel to search Cyrene’s quarters, and sends a cover story to Logan so as to conceal the death. Eleanor cannot identify the poison in Cyrene’s system, and the TARDIS is still missing.

In Cyrene’s quarters, Mel is approached by Gholos, who turns red and becomes loud in its native language. Loozly arrives and calls Gholos off, claiming that he too was searching for evidence, but took Mel’s presence as an attack. When she refers to Gholos as a “thing”, Loozly becomes offended, and departs with the still-noisy Gholos. Nicky arrives, and Mel tells him that Gholos tried to kill her. Meanwhile, Fassbender is working on the cause of the shuttle explosion, while Eleanor subtly comes on to the Doctor, ensuring him that she is available to him as she was to the previous commander. Strindberg announces that Achilles 4 is under attack by Angvian separatists, dooming the peace conference. What is there to do, then, but make this contest the best it could be!

Lounging in the station’s pool, Nicky and Mel talk; he begins to rant about his life and its lack of privacy. The constant screaming fans cause him headaches; but on the flight over to Dark Space 8, Loozly was kind enough to give him an aspirin for it. He admits that this career path makes him cripplingly anxious, but he has too much invested to stop now. He is summoned to an interview, and Mel advises him to ignore it, prompting him to snap at her for not understanding. She returns to the guest lounge, where Loozly sits, listening to Logan’s commentary. Logan comments that critics have panned him for commenting on songs when he can’t pronounce the names, but to combat this, he has built his own translation device this year. Loozly says that Gholos is resting, and shows Mel a device for monitoring Gholos’s vitals, as separation from the gestalt can be stressful. He apologizes for his rudeness, but admits that he is uncomfortable with humans, and is only happy on the Gholos world, a planet of gestalt mental energy.

The Doctor goes to his ready room, and learns that the attack on Achilles 4 has been repelled. Mel joins him, but shortly thereafter, they receive a note under the door, which says to “beware the pits of Angvia”—an odd reference, as there are no actual pits on Angvia. Mel decides to search Fassbender’s lab, while the Doctor meets Angvia in the dining hall at her request. To his shock, she declares her romantic intentions toward him, and drags him across the table to kiss him—and to his further shock, he finds himself reciprocating. Meanwhile, Mel meets Nicky coming out of the sickbay, where Eleanor has given him pills for his anxiety and its symptoms. He apologizes for his rudeness, and Mel recruits his help. They break into the lab—but then Logan staggers in, and falls to the floor, dead from a stab wound in the back.



Cast

 * The Doctor - Sylvester McCoy
 * Melanie Bush - Bonnie Langford
 * Dr. Eleanor Harcourt - Sabina Franklyn
 * Professor Ivor Fassbinder - Graeme Garden
 * Lieutenant Strindberg - Vidar Magnussen
 * Loozly - Nickolas Grace
 * Angvia - Patricia Quinn
 * Nicky Newman - Anthony Spargo
 * Geri / Cyrene - Jane Goddard
 * Logan - David Tughan
 * News anchorman - Gareth Roberts
 * Robot waiter / Tannoy voice - Barnaby Edwards
 * Ice Warrior juror / Announcer - Nicholas Pegg
 * The Breebles - Gareth Jenkins
 * The Breebles - Andy Hardwick
 * Continuity announcer - Nicholas Briggs

The Doctor

 * The Doctor cannot speak Gholos' language.
 * The Doctor previously placed a whistle in Mel's pocket.
 * Queen Angvia finds the Doctor's "deep grey eyes" and the way that his hair curls under his hat attractive.
 * Mel jokingly suggests that the Doctor may be having "a mid-regeneration crisis."

Individuals

 * Commander John Ballard was the leader of the Perseus expedition, famous for overthrowing an ancient super-computer that had fooled its population into thinking they were in paradise. Ballard's mind was too strong for it.
 * The Doctor describes the Tudors as "splendid chaps, all of them."
 * Dr. Eleanor Harcourt enjoyed a close personal relationship with Commander Keele before his death.
 * The readers of Entropy Magazine voted Nicky Newman as the fifth most famous person in the galaxy.
 * Both Mel and Commentator Logan refer to Queen Angvia as a "valkyrie."
 * The Doctor refers to René Descartes as an "old friend."
 * Professor Fassbinder's wife was killed by a sweat vampire more than 20 years earlier.
 * Angvia is the fourteenth queen of the House of Silcitor.

The TARDIS

 * The Doctor intended to materialise the TARDIS in the Maison Rouge restaurant in Paris.

Space stations

 * Dark Space 8's previous commanding officer Paul Keele died of the Orion flu. He was infected with it while in the process of defeating a silicon-based lifeform which intended to enslave all carbon-based lifeforms.
 * Dark Space 8 has been online for 4,816 days.
 * Dark Space 8 has a crew of 210.
 * Achilles 4 is the host to the All Worlds Peace Convention. Golos and Angvia are parties to the convention.
 * Star Island 12 contains the Earth embassy of the Shak'Rok Empire.

Intergalactic Song Contest

 * There have been 308 previous Intergalactic Song Contests.
 * Contestants in the 309th contest include Earth (represented by Nicky Newman), Mars, Ferazferon, the Cissadian Cephalopods, Drahva (represented by Maaga 29), the Architects of Algol, the Breebles and the Freznixx of Braal.
 * Songs featured include Drahva's Clone Love, Argol's Don't Push Your Tentacle Too Far (sung by Billionus Groo-Fang of the Arkol star cluster), and Angvia's Gozraj-a-dett (My Love is as Limitless as a Black Hole, and I'm Pulling You Over the Event Horizon).
 * Representing Earth in lieu of Nicky Newman, the Doctor wins the Intergalactic Song Contest by playing the spoons.

Species

 * The Angvians are a matriarchal society.
 * Angvian females can emit pheromones from their armpits that makes the males of other species, including Time Lords, fall for them.
 * Geri is a Pakhar.
 * Ice Warriors vote in the Intergalactic Song Contest.
 * Gholos believes that Time Lords are mythical.

Conflicts

 * During their conflict, Golos broke the Tenebros IV peace treaty and the Fringe Worlds of the Zordon Nebula were settled by Angvia in violation of this treaty. However, Queen Angvia claims that they were invited in by the natives.

Planets

 * The Doctor has previously visited Angvia. It has many trees but no major pits.

Foods and beverages

 * The Doctor recalls the delights of the pastry chefs on Barastabon.

Star Trek parodies
This story generally spoofs the Star Trek franchise and its storytelling styles. The more direct examples of this include:
 * "Dark Space 8" is a direct spoof of, both in name and in function as an outpost serving as a hub to many species.
 * The "" style voiceovers.
 * The -style command structure and.
 * The repeated catchphrases of the crewmembers.
 * Over the course of the previous seven years, the crew had dealt with a, an alien claiming to be , and a . Furthermore, Dr. Harcourt's reference to the space station's senior officers being sent back in time to medieval Wales would appear to be a reference to the  of Star Trek.
 * Fassbinder's made-up technobabble echoes Star Trek's style. The name "Fassbinder" may be deliberately similar to the term "Feinberger" in Star Trek, which was the behind-the-scenes term to refer to 's diagnostic instruments and other such props (after property master Irving Feinberg).
 * Several of the musical cues deliberately echo elements from Star Trek: The Original Series.

Continuity

 * Pakhars first appeared in PROSE: Legacy.
 * The Third Doctor previously impersonated a commanding officer in order to salvage a peace process on Peladon in the 39th century. (TV: The Curse of Peladon)
 * Mel describes the Doctor's propensity to mangle and combine Earth proverbs as "really annoying." (TV: Time and the Rani)
 * The Doctor refers to the Masterbakers of Barastabon. (AUDIO: The Church and the Crown, The One Doctor)
 * The Doctor remembers Mel's problems with lifts. (TV: Paradise Towers)
 * The Breebles and Earth's anthem both featured among Mentos' Super Brain questions. (AUDIO: The One Doctor)
 * Nicky Newman subsequently won the Intergalactic Song Contest. The renegade Time Lady Iris Wildthyme was in attendance and met her future husband Sam Gold. (AUDIO: The Sound of Fear)