User:Epsilon the Eternal/Sandbox Two

Panda, an old, erudite, rakish, self-professed art critic, was commonly identified as a ten-inch-tall, fuzzy stuffed panda; mention of this, however, would cause Panda a great deal of offense, often driving Panda to resort to violence in retaliation.

Panda spent many of his later years travelling with the garish transtemporal adventuress known as Iris Wildthyme, particularly the incarnation that resembled Katy Manning, aboard the Celestial Omnibus - a time machine of conflicting origin, but one thing that did remain consistent was its appearance: a red double decker bus, the 22 to Putney Common.

Though he was Iris' best friend, they often had rows and barneys, but they did it knowing that none of it really mattered. They simply argued for the sheer fun of it. (PROSE: Enter Wildthyme)

A complicated origin
There existed multiple accounts of Panda's early life, each differing to various degrees. (AUDIO: Muse of Fire, PROSE: Enter Wildthyme, Brenda and Effie Forever!, The Delightful Bag)

Once in his travels with Iris, Panda hotly postulated to her that he came from a place where "everyone was ten inches tall with small black ears and piercingly intelligent button-bright eyes" - Iris referred to such a place as a "whole planet of Pandas", though she seemingly didn't believe that such a place existed, and thought that Panda should accept that he was likely the only one like him. (PROSE: Enter Wildthyme) However, Panda's theory was true, as there was indeed a (as called it) "Planet of the Bears", Ursino Six, which was home to a faction of reality-engineers resembling stuffed bears, with at least one having similar speech patterns and physiology to Panda. (PROSE: Teddy Sparkles Must Die!)

According to another account, Panda was the animated childhood toy of Whitby witch Effie, who she had accidentally abandoned for years. (PROSE: Brenda and Effie Forever!)

Premature travels with Iris
Panda prematurely met Iris' (PROSE: Death of the Author) and. (PROSE: Wandering Stars, et al.)

Meeting Iris
Panda once said that he didn't know how long he'd been travelling with Iris, as he stated that with all the "flitting about [they did] - backwards, forwards and diagonally through the alternate paradigms" claiming it was "well nigh impossible to pin down anything at all". He elaborated that there were many times where they deliberately relived, erased, and changed events that they had previously had done. He also preferred others to take care of continuity and chronology, with himself preferrring to "live and run about!". (PROSE: Enter Wildthyme)

According to several accounts, in which the and es were indistinct, Panda spent many of his later years living with Iris' ex-companion Tom in the late 1990s and the early 2000s. During this time, he contemplated writing his memoirs, (AUDIO: Wildthyme at Large) but was unable to due to his paws jamming the keys. (PROSE: Enter Wildthyme)

In the mid 2000s, Iris reunited with Tom, and after she left again, Tom felt guilty about the novels he wrote about her, so, taking Panda with him, he set off to his publisher, Mida Slike, to ask her to relieve him of his contractual obligation to write more novels. Mida refused, getting increasingly heated with Tom. Tom and Panda attempted to flee, but were captured by MIAOW, who were working for Mida. Panda first met the (although he knew who she was) when she arrived in her bus, being controlled by the Head, who was after Iris' memories, stored inside a Memory Crystal. The Head almost succeeded in taking the Memory Crystal from Tom, but Panda grabbed it, throwing it down hard onto the ground, shattering it, allowing Iris to save the day, and getting her memories back. (AUDIO: Wildthyme at Large) However, Panda later recollected that he had thought Iris was just a fictional creation of Tom's. (PROSE: Enter Wildthyme)

According to one account, Panda was in fact Steven Taylor's toy mascot, HiFi. He had been inadvertently left inside the TARDIS after Steven's departure, and when the Second Doctor was put on trial, Panda finally left the TARDIS, whereupon he stumbled into Iris Wildthyme in a pub in the under-city of Gallifrey. (PROSE: The Runaway HiFi)

Adventures with Iris
Early on in his travels with Iris, Panda enrolled at Coal Hill School, where he caught the attention of his teachers Ian and Barbara, for his positively rude demeanour. One foggy night, the two teachers followed Panda to Putney Common, coming across a double-decker bus and Iris herself. Iris invited the teachers onboard, and the teachers threaten to call social services about Panda, thinking he's living in a hovel/stolen municipal vehicle. Iris offered them drinks, and Barbara took one, much to Ian's astonishment. Iris then whisked them away in her bus to somewhere fabulous. (PROSE: An Unearthly Palaver)

The truth of Iris' origins
Panda remained on the Celestial Omnibus when Iris investigated strange happenings in Darlington, knowing how the locals would react to his appearance. Still, he made himself useful by relaying information to Iris from the Omnibus.

Iris returned to the Omnibus with her new friend, Simon, and the trio used the Omnibus to travel to the Begins at Home, the source of the strange happenings, and they found that the ship had been ransacked by Dog Pirates. Returning to Darlington, they discovered Anthony Marvelle's scheme to reach the Obverse. They leave with Simon's friend Kelly, travelling to an alternate Paris in 1894, on the brink of the Martian invasion.

They left Paris hastily, and they returned Kelly after she found she couldn't handle the stress of time travel. Barbra, a Servo-furnishing, stowed away with them when they travelled to Valcea. On their journey to the City of Glass, Panda and Simon discovered a tear in the Very Fabric, left by Marvelle, inside the Omnibus, and they ventured through it, finding themselves at a Vince Cosmos concert in 1973, and saving Vince from an assassination attempt by Martian Time Agents.

At the after party, Simon encountered a future version of Iris who scolded them, instructing them to return to her past self. Panda and Simon returned to the Omnibus, and they finally reached the City of Glass. They're were immediately captured by the Wardrobes, who tortured Panda for information. Panda escaped with Simon and Iris after a bomb that had been secretly placed inside Barbra begins to explode, and Iris piloted the Omnibus to Hyspero, following Marvelle. (PROSE: Enter Wildthyme)

Persued by a future Iris
After he and Iris defeated the Slime-Filled Slarvians, the New Naxium Empire decided to graciously reward them on New Naxia, however they were interrupted by the arrival of a Monstron Time destroyer, which attacked them, sending them running to the Celestial Omnibus and escaping to Trull, to lay low. Ironically, they were recognised almost immediately by Iris' biggest fan, Wayne Bland II.

After getting away from Wayne, they headed to a local bar, however Wayne followed them, and he deceived Iris into swapping minds with him, allowing him to inhabit Iris' body. Despite Iris' now odd behaviour, Panda didn't think much of it as he assumed that she'd snapped. Much later, after the Omnibus went into lockdown mode after sensing an intruder, "Iris" became a celebrity on Trull, taking advantage of a future incarnation's stardom. Panda, who was now the head secretary of "Iris"' fanclub, told this anecdote to a till girl when he was purchasing luxury towels on "Iris"' behest. Afterwards, Panda visited "Wayne" in the Trull Central Institute, and "he" profusely claimed that he was Iris, but this failed to convince Panda. "Iris" arrives, and guilted Panda into not believing "Wayne", but as they headed outside, "Wayne"'s claims about an sexual planet, Kragoom, turned out to be the truth. Through a complicated series of mind-swapping, Iris piloted the Omnibus to Kragoom, and she attempted to sacrifice herself to stop the randy planet, but Wanye tampered the mind swapping device so that his mind would be swapped with Kragoom. Wayne, now a planet, left Trull to explore the universe, leaving Kragoom, trapped in Wayne's body, on Trull. As Iris and Panda began to relax, the Monstron Time destroyer caught up with them, causing them to flee once more. (AUDIO: The Iris Wildthyme Appreciation Society)

Further travels with Panda
Iris and Panda once arrived at a cathedral one stormy night, meeting the young verger outside. After listening to his story about encountering a ghost, they spend the night inside the Celestial Omnibus. The next morning, they went into the cathedral, meeting the aloof bishop and Iris' enemies, the Soroptimists. After encountering the unusual ghost, they descended to the crypt at midnight, where they were trapped, time slowing down around them. Knowing that the only solution is to change the future by orchestrating the ghost from the start, this becomes reality, with the bishop actually acting upon instructions from Iris and Panda from the not too distant future, and with his help, they escape. (PROSE: Iris Wildthyme and the Unholy Ghost)

Panda found himself trapped within the Gallery with a mysterious individual known as Mister Heart. This strange old man lured Panda into a succession of realities stored within paintings, with Panda's fate in each ending grisly. Iris had actually spent seventy four years inside the paintings, deliberately causing Panda's death, in order to free him from being trapped forever. He and Iris escaped, only for Mister Heart to have a new painting for his collection, one of Iris and Panda in the Celestial Omnibus... (PROSE: Framed)

Iris and Panda once visited a village, throwing nightly parties and attempting to stop a gaseous villain, to no avail, and the village was destroyed, leaving only around two-dozen survivors. (PROSE: The Party in Room Four)

Iris and Panda were lured to the Zona Oscura Festival by an idea that Iris had whilst watching a documentary featuring David Attenborough the night before with Panda. At the festival, Panda, being fed up with the large amounts of walking, insisted that they purchase drinks. They entered Madame Moiré's Burlesque Escapade, and Panda became captivated with one stripper, Carmen Tranquil. Iris left Panda, and he introduced himself to Carmen, but the ran when Iris' idea manifested as Jimmy the Tranquil, however Carmen was actually Jimmy's friend. At a VIP tent, Jimmy prepared to eat Iris but was killed along with Carmen after Theo Possible's companion Kelsey crushed them with a mirrorball. (PROSE: Party Kill Accelerator!)

Iris and Panda were turned into fiction and trapped within the bleed margin of a book. (PROSE: Untitled)

Iris and Panda attended a wine tasting, and they killed something with a bottle. (PROSE: The Panda Book of Horror)

Teaming up with Señor 105, they were sent on a quest to retrieve all the slices of the celestial gateau once again. After finding the third slice among vampiric versions of the Rolling Stones, they took it carefully back to the Celestial Omnibus. As that day was also Panda's birthday, they prepared him a surprise cake, but Iris accidentally ate the Celestial gateau, her mouth glowing bright orange. (PROSE: Deleted Scene from 'Iris Wildthyme and the Key Lime Pie 2 Time' - 'Part 3: The Stones of Blood')

Panda and Iris had retreated backwards up a hill to the bus away from an unspecified horror. Panda felt that Iris was selfish for not helping him due to his short legs, lack of balance, and age. A few days later, Panda had spent an afternoon relaxing in the Jardin du Luxembourg, and had popped into Le Bon Marché for a browse, when he found a striped cravat after a detour in La Grande Epicerie. Upon returning to the bus and showing Iris, she displayed no interest, causing him and Iris to enter a large argument which involved Panda throwing his new cravat down the side of the chaise lounge in disgust and hurling an empty bottle of Bombay Sapphire at Iris. To calm him down, Iris gave Panda a few cocktails and a dinner at Le Meurice. A photographer arrived and took their photo for the cover of a collection of stories about him and Iris. A few days later, Panda had finished editing the collection, getting through an entire box of red pencils. Panda wrote an introduction to the collection, where he noted that his publishers had failed to give him his box of gin in payment. (PROSE: Letter from the Editor)

Fate of the Omnibus?
Following Iris' discovery of the Celestial Omnibus' fate, she and Panda arrived at a warehouse filled with double decker buses, hunting for parts to repair the Celestial Omnibus. Things went terribly wrong when the ghost of a ticket inspector began haunting them. Iris defeated it with a strange gun, much to Panda's disappointment, as he was in the process of getting the ghost to pass on. (PROSE: Just the Ticket)

Leaving Iris
to be added

Undated events
Panda once implied to have met Cleopatra. (PROSE: Enter Wildthyme)

Living with Paul Magrs and Jeremy
Panda once met Paul Magrs and his partner Jeremy in Norwich. Panda travalled with them to Manchester, where he moved in with them in their flat, and Panda stayed with the couple when they moved into their cosy new home in Levenshulme. Panda spent most of his time with the couple, so if they would go on holiday to places such as Paris, Panda would accompany them. Panda also spent his time reading biographies and reviewing ballet and opera for "serious-minded broadsheets".

When Fester Cat, a cat that Paul and Jeremy took in off the streets in 2006, moved in, Panda would often make conversation with Fester, but Fester was sceptical about Panda being "real". (PROSE: The Story of Fester Cat)

In 2012, Panda visited the Rollright Stones with Paul and Jeremy after they returned from the Utopia convention, and Panda was "delighted" that the stones were "Panda-sized". (PROSE: The Stones of Spookiness)

In 2013, Fester began work on a book about his life with Paul and Jeremy. Fester actually omitted Panda from most of the book, as he was still unsure about Panda. (PROSE: The Story of Fester Cat) However, in a short story Fester wrote to publicize his book, Fester showed that he had finally accepted that Panda was real. (PROSE: Fester and the Christmas Mouse)

Legacy
The Martians held an ancient legend about a "certain Panda deity who visited them in a scarlet chariot that came from the stars...". As such, the Martians were panda-phobic. (PROSE: Enter Wildthyme)

By 2009, Paul Magrs' stories about Iris Wildthyme also included Panda. (PROSE: Brenda's B&B)

Lionel Pandeau
to be added

The Gallery
Panda once found himself in a mysterious place known only as The Gallery, and Mister Heart kept repeatedly luring Panda into other realities, in a ploy to capture Panda within a painting. In these worlds, Panda experienced being other versions of himself, including:

Chef Panda

 * This foul-mouthed and rude version of Panda hosted a reality TV show called What The F**k Do You Call That?, where he would be invited into a home, ridiculing and berating any minor flaw. At the filming of one fateful episode, Panda was given a summer pudding by Janine Bonaventura and her family, which was filled with stuffing, causing him to choke and die.

Art Critic Panda

 * This version of Panda was a judge for an art competition. He had a secretive relationship with young Antoinette Bisby, who turned out to have an ulterior motive of exposing Panda and his fellow judges for their corruption. This betrayal broke Panda's heart, as he was genuinely in love with Antoinette, and he slit his throat with a piece of a shattered trophy in despair.

Author Panda

 * This other version of Panda was an author who had just released a bestselling novel, but when a secret message was discovered in his book, Panda killed himself as he knew he had no future.

As it turned out, Iris had spent seventy-four years deliberately causing the death of Panda within these realities, so as to prevent Panda being trapped in a painting for all eternity. (PROSE: Framed)

In an universe of anti-matter
While on a mission for MIAOW, Panda visited a wildlife sanctuary, where he was transported to universe of anti-matter. There, he met two Pandas, one "young and frivolous", the other "old and venerable", who wasn't able to make it through the Event Horizon, so he had to communicate via Skype. (PROSE: From Wildthyme with Love)

Personality
In retrospect, Panda considered himself to be pragmatic and down-to-Earth prior to his adventures with Iris. He also found that being obtuse was, to him at least, "one of the finest pleasures life [had] to offer". (PROSE: Enter Wildthyme)

Panda was highly sensitive over his unusual composition, so when somebody highlighted it, he would be scandalized. (PROSE: The Story of Fester Cat, Enter Wildthyme, et al) Panda often then threatened to punch whomever had insulted him "up the hooter". (AUDIO: Iris Wildthyme and the Panda Invasion, PROSE: Enter Wildthyme, et al)

He and Iris were best friends, with Panda even showing that he loved Iris, (AUDIO: The Devil in Ms. Wildthyme) however they were prone to arguing, which Panda claimed was an act they did for the sheer fun of it. (PROSE: Enter Wildthyme) During one argument over Iris' lack of interest in a cravat Panda had excitedly purchased, Iris had said that Panda was "overreacting" and was behaving like a "precious actor". He had then thrown an empty bottle of Bombay Sapphire at her. (PROSE: Letter from the Editor)

Panda was in touch with his sexuality, despite being a stuffed toy, expressing a particular interest in Mida Slike, head of MIAOW, who he though was gorgeous, (AUDIO: Wildthyme at Large) as well as having "splendid boobs". (PROSE: Iris Wildthyme and the Polythene Terror) Panda was also captivated by rotund stripper Ms Carmen Tranquil, whom he met at the Zona Oscura Festival. He became devoted to her, until she revealed that she had no interest in him. (PROSE: Party Kill Accelerator!)

Skills and abilities
Panda once claimed that he could make "magnificent" and "killer" omelettes, and in the process of making these omelettes, he charred them. (PROSE: Enter Wildthyme)

A narrator once told the readers that Panda was "capable of a dozen more unlikely things than reading". (PROSE: Iris Wildthyme and the Unholy Ghost)

Appearance
Panda was an old stuffed panda, (PROSE: Enter Wildthyme, Letter from the Editor) ten inches tall, (PROSE: Enter Wildthyme, et al.) with short legs, a general lack of balance, (PROSE: Letter from the Editor) and finger-less paws. Thus, he had to use blu-tack to turn pages of books. (PROSE: Iris Wildthyme and the Unholy Ghost) However, he was at the very least strong enough to throw an empty bottle of Bombay Sapphire hard enough to crack a window. (PROSE: Letter from the Editor)

Panda had black ears, which Iris' companion Simon described as "coiffed", (PROSE: Enter Wildthyme) Panda had a snout, (PROSE: Party Kill Accelerator!) which, while it seemingly lacked a mouth, (AUDIO: Iris Wildthyme and the Sound of Fear, et al) a mouth was indeed existent, as he was able to consume food (PROSE: Framed, Deleted Scene from 'Iris Wildthyme and the Key Lime Pie 2 Time' - 'Part 3: The Stones of Blood', et al.) and drink. (PROSE: Enter Wildthyme, Party Kill Accelerator!, et al.)

According to a narrator, Panda had a straw filled head, though he may have not meant this literally. (PROSE: Iris Wildthyme and the Unholy Ghost) Another account showed that Panda was full of stuffing which he coughed up whilst choking in an alternate reality. (PROSE: Framed)

Panda had a posh, (PROSE: The Party in Room Four) fruity, hectoring voice, (PROSE: The Story of Fester Cat) and sharp, black, beady eyes. (PROSE: Fester and the Christmas Mouse) Panda thought that he had lovely, beady, black-button eyes, (PROSE: Framed) though Simon thought that he had glass eyes. Simon also thought that Panda had "coiffed black ears". (PROSE: Enter Wildthyme)

Reactions to Panda

 * Due to the obvious fact Panda was most regularly viewed as a living stuffed toy, reactions to Panda varied.

While most people nonchalantly accepted the fact Panda was a walking and talking stuffed bear, (PROSE: Iris Wildthyme and the Unholy Ghost, The Story of Fester Cat, et al.) some individuals reacted in different ways: Albert was too dismayed and embarrassed to talk to Panda; Bessy thought that Paul Magrs and Jeremy were "freaks" for being friends with him; Fester Cat was initially flabbergasted, before remaining sceptical about Panda for several years, (PROSE: The Story of Fester Cat) although he eventually accepted Panda, and stood up for him on Panda's behalf. (PROSE: Fester and the Christmas Mouse)

When visiting Darlington, Panda remained inside the Celestial Omnibus, to avoid arousing unhelpful reactions to his nature. (PROSE: Enter Wildthyme)

Behind the scenes

 * On the Twitter account that Paul Magrs created for Panda, Panda mentions that he once toured France with Noël Coward in the 1950s, to never trust a Tory, and that he is Pandagender and Pandasexual.
 * Panda was the mascot for the 2021 Levenshulme Pride. Magrs created special art of Panda holding the modern pride flag as well as a map of Levenshulme in his distinctive style for the brochure.