My Dad's A Cyberman! (short story)

My Dad's A Cyberman! was a glimpse into an imaginary Doctor Who spinoff, written by Steven Moffat in answer to one of the questions in his interview in Doctor Who Magazine DWM 484.

The question concerned the fate of the Cyberconverted Alistair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart following his flying off to parts unknown at the end of Death in Heaven. The asker, Jeffrey Alley, suggested that the "Cyber-Brigadier" could be "left in limbo, protecting Kate wherever she goes" as one possible fate. Prefacing his answer with "Oh God, can you imagine. It's the spin-off! My Dad's A Cyberman!", Moffat proceeded to twist this premise into the subject of a farce about the changing values of UNIT between the Classic and revived series of Doctor Who.

Summary
Kate Stewart's father has risen from the grave as the Cyberbrig — and unfortunately for her, rather than bid a final farewell after he saves the day, he hangs around UNIT HQ questioning the modern way she is now running the family business…

Plot
Not for the first time, Kate Stewart finds herself asking the Cyberbrig to please not sit in her chair in her office as if he were still in charge of UNIT. The Cyberbrig answers that he's simply "sorting out a few things" for her, such as the fact that she has too much staff; in his opinion, all one really needs to run UNIT is a Sergeant, occasionally a Captain, and a "nice family car".

He also objects to UNIT HQ no longer having a large visible sign identifying the building as such. When Kate points out that the location of the headquarters is supposed to be top secret, he shrugs and says that in that case they need only paint "Top Secret" onto the sign. The Cyberbrig further questions the presence of so many women in the HQ: "how much tea do you need?!". An appalled Kate explains that those women are in fact scientists, which simply gets the Cyberbrig on another tantrum; according to him, just one scientist, dressed in silly clothes, is plenty enough.

Kate quotes the mantra "Science leads" to him, pointing out that he was the one who told her so; the Cyberbrig's answer ("Only if you let it!") makes it clear that in his mind, this was a warning, not something inspirational. The conversation stalls when, getting too excited, the Cyberbrig lets his moustache slip off his slippery metal face. Concerned, he asks Kate, in confidence, whether she thinks other people notice that his moustache is fake. Kate can only answer that she thinks they always did.

Characters

 * Kate Stewart
 * The Cyberbrig (Alistair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart)