Oh No It Isn't! (novel)

Oh No It Isn't! is the first of Virgin Books' range of Virgin Bernice Summerfield New Adventures range of novels. This was the continuation of Bernice Summerfield's story following the loss of the Doctor Who licence. The final story featuring the Eighth Doctor and Bernice Summerfield, The Dying Days, ended with the Doctor taking Bernice to the planet Dellah, where this novel begins.

Publisher's summary
"The King's balls get bigger every year!"

Bernice Surprise Summerfield is settling into her new job as Professor of Archaeology at St Oscar's University on the planet Dellah — one of the most prestigious centres of learning in the Milky Way. She wants to put her past, especially her failed marriage, behind her.

So she's glad when she gets the chance to take her tutorial group to investigate the lost civilisation of Perfecton. Three whole weeks of archaeological research in the field. The perfect way to forget your worries.

She doesn't bank on three things.

That Menlove Stokes, Professor of Applied Art, and various other academics would be along for the ride. That vicious alien marauders would decide to explore the planet at the same time. And that a reactivated Perfecton device would plunge her into a situation that can only be described as — panto.

Chapter titles

 * 1) Porterhatch Blues
 * 2) New Adventures, New Danger
 * 3) A Comedy Tonight
 * 4) What Kind of A-Z Would Get You Here?
 * 5) Beauty and Bernice
 * 6) A Whole New Ball Game
 * 7) Fairy Stories
 * 8) Another Break in the Narrative
 * 9) Just Deserts and Deeper Plots, and Deadly Danger Looming... Lots!
 * 10) Raiders of the Seven Dwarves
 * 11) 'Scuse Me While I Rip the Sky
 * 12) Imminent Destruction Grief
 * 13) A Cat in Hell's Chance
 * 14) Epilogue: Moments of Pleasure

Plot
to be added

Characters

 * Bernice Summerfield
 * Wolsey
 * Menlove Stokes
 * Joseph
 * Michael Doran
 * Arthur Candy
 * Polybus Arex
 * Anne-Marie Rose
 * Ockjin Fuleep
 * Jayne Waspo
 * Vitor Pluse
 * Marjorie Marjorie
 * Captain Balsam
 * Lieutenant Aurum Salvistra
 * Marcus Krytell
 * Hettie Bonistall
 * Lucinda Pargiter
 * Professor Warrinder
 * Professor Ferdinand Archduke
 * Ranjit Singh

Books

 * Benny accidentally gives Michael Doran a copy of Make Dangerous Love to Me - The Erotic Poetry of Carla Tsampiras.
 * Benny is still working on (and trying to get out of writing) her sequel to Down Among the Dead Men with the working title So Vast a Pile.
 * The library on Dellah contains the Book of Lies.

Culture

 * Benny uses Ah A Perfume For An Alien or Human.

Individuals

 * Dr Follett is the Head of the Department of Archaeology at St Oscar's University.
 * Bernice Summerfield is the Edward Watkinson Chair of Archaeology at St Oscar's.
 * Benny has the name Dick Whittington in the panto reality.
 * God sends members of the Tiny But Interesting Interest Group to contact Benny about becoming an agent for them.
 * Wolsey is transformed into a seven-foot-tall swashbuckler with marked propensities for singing, tap-dancing and rude jokes.
 * Menlove Stokes is professor of Applied Arts at St Oscar's University.
 * Joseph is Benny's robotic porter, who looks like a hovering sphere about the size of a billiard ball.

Locations

 * Benny usually tries to get a word out of the Goll security who guard the Advanced Research Department, but she speaks very little Goll.
 * St Oscar's University is located on the planet Dellah. The Sultan of Tashwari was the original founder of the university.

Species

 * The Grel's afterlife is called Slawcor.
 * The Perfectons are small blue humanoids.

Continuity

 * Benny was taken to Dellah by the Eighth Doctor at the end of PROSE: The Dying Days.
 * Benny first met God in PROSE: The Also People.
 * This novel introduces Marcus Krytell; Benny meets him in PROSE: Ship of Fools.