Doctor Who and the Pirates (audio story)

, or The Lass that Lost a Sailor, was the forty-third story in Big Finish's monthly range. It was written by Jacqueline Rayner and featured Colin Baker as the Sixth Doctor and Maggie Stables as Evelyn Smythe.

It was also Big Finish Productions' first musical audio story. It has a score inspired by Gilbert and Sullivan songs.

Publisher's summary
All aboard, me hearties, for a rip-roaring tale of adventure on the high seas!

There'll be rum for all and sea shanties galore as we travel back in time to join the valiant crew of the good ship Sea Eagle, braving perils, pirates and a peripatetic old sea-dog known only as the Doctor!

Gasp as our Gallifreyan buccaneer crosses swords with the fearsome Red Jasper, scourge of the seven seas and possessor of at least one wooden leg! Thrill as Evil Evelyn the Pirate Queen sets sail in search of buried treasure, with only a foppish ship's captain and an innocent young cabin boy by her side! Marvel at the melodious mayhem which ensues as we sail the ocean blue!

And wonder why Evelyn still hasn't realised that very few stories have happy endings...

Plot
Evelyn comes by to see one of her students, Sally, and begins telling her a story, despite the objections of the distressed Sally, who is not in the mood to see anyone. With some inaccuracies and exaggerations, Evelyn retells an adventure she has just experienced with the Doctor, in which they found themselves in the hold of a ship being boarded by the pirates in the Caribbean Sea in the 18th century. The Doctor himself soon comes over and joins Evelyn in her storytelling. Together, they talk - and sing - about how they accompanied the crew and the pirates to the Ruby Islands, named so after the treasure buried there. With little help from the incompetent captain Swan, the Doctor was able to reunite him with his crew and send them on their way in the usurped pirate ship, while leaving the pirates stranded on the Islands with the treasure and a fake treasure map.

During this adventure, the cruel pirate captain Red Jasper beat a cabin boy to death, which deeply affected Evelyn, who blamed herself for not being able to stop Jasper. When she and the Doctor eventually returned to the TARDIS, she asked to be taken home. She wanted to take a break from travelling in the TARDIS and seeing all the horrors that come with it - only to discover another one waiting at home: a suicide letter from Sally. Sally had lost someone close to her in a car accident, and since she was the one driving, she blamed herself - just like Evelyn with the cabin boy. However, while Evelyn had the Doctor to talk to about it, Sally had nobody. Thus Evelyn asked the Doctor to travel back in time to the day the letter was sent, so that they could spend time with Sally and talk her out of killing herself. After spending the entire night with her, they succeed: greeting the next day with a smile, Sally now understands that life is worth living, because there are still people who care about her.

Cast

 * The Doctor - Colin Baker
 * Evelyn Smythe - Maggie Stables
 * Jem - Dan Barratt
 * Sally - Helen Goldwyn
 * Jasper - Bill Oddie
 * Emmanuel Swan - Nicholas Pegg
 * Mr. Merryweather - Mark Siney
 * Mate/Sailor/Pirate - Timothy Sutton

Individuals

 * In a song, the Doctor refers to Mavic Chen, Tobias Vaughn and Hecate.

Species

 * The Doctor also mentions Daleks, Quarks, Cybermen, Autons, Axons, Dæmons, Krotons, Monoids, Vampires and Voord.

Planets

 * Again, the Doctor also mentions that he saved the planets Manussa, Dulkis, Skonnos and Tigella.

Literature

 * The Doctor has a copy of War and Peace in his pocket.

The songs
1. I Am the Very Model of a Gallifreyan Buccaneer 2. An Assassin's Lot 3. Jasper's Man/Blood on My Hands/The Price We Pay 4. I Am Alone 5. I'm a Better Sailor Far Than You 6. Enter Evelyn 7. Evil Evelyn 8. For I Am a Pirate King 9. The Dawning Day
 * "I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major General" from The Pirates of Penzance
 * Lead Vocals: Colin Baker
 * Backing Vocals: Dan Barratt, Helen Goldwyn, Nicholas Pegg
 * "When a Felon's Not Engaged in his Employment (A Policeman's Lot)" from The Pirates of Penzance
 * Lead Vocal: Mark Siney
 * Backing Vocals: Dan Barrat, Nicholas Pegg, Mark Siney
 * "I Am So Proud" from The Mikado
 * Lead Vocals: Colin Baker, Helen Goldwyn, Mark Siney
 * "The Sun Whose Rays" from The Mikado
 * Lead Vocal: Helen Goldwyn
 * "We Sail the Ocean Blue/I Am the Captain of the Pinafore" from HMS Pinafore
 * Lead Vocals: Colin Baker, Mark Siney
 * Backing Vocals: Dan Barratt, Helen Goldwyn, Nicholas Pegg, Mark Siney, Timothy Sutton
 * "I Claim My Perjured Lover, Nanki-Poo" from The Mikado
 * Lead Vocal: Colin Baker
 * "Oh Better Far to Live and Die" from The Pirates of Penzance
 * Lead Vocals: Colin Baker, Bill Oddie, Maggie Stables
 * Backing Vocals: Dan Barratt, Helen Goldwyn, Nicholas Pegg, Mark Siney, Timothy Sutton
 * Reprise of "Oh Better Far to Live and Die" from The Pirates of Penzance
 * Lead Vocal: Bill Oddie
 * Backing Vocals: Dan Barratt, Helen Goldwyn, Nicholas Pegg, Mark Siney, Timothy Sutton
 * "The Threatened Cloud has Passed Away" from The Mikado
 * Lead Vocal: Helen Goldwyn

Continuity

 * The Doctor does not like to talk about the Great Fire of London. (TV: The Visitation)
 * Evelyn offers some milk chocolate, saying that "people from the past are always impressed" by it (AUDIO: The Marian Conspiracy).
 * The Sixth Doctor's singing abilities — and particularly his proclivity towards theatrical singing — was established on screen at the end of Terror of the Vervoids, where Mel complains about his awful rendition of "On with the Motley".

In the song, the Doctor also mentions defeating Daleks (TV: The Daleks et al.), Quarks (TV: The Dominators), Cybermen (TV: The Tenth Planet et al.), Autons (TV: Spearhead from Space, Terror of the Autons), Axons (TV: The Claws of Axos), Daemons (TV: The Dæmons), Krotons (TV: The Krotons), Monoids (TV: The Ark), Vampires (TV: State of Decay), and Voords (TV: The Keys of Marinus). As well as saving planets such as Manussa (TV: Snakedance), Dulkis (TV: The Dominators), Skonnos (TV: The Horns of Nimon), and Tigella (TV: Meglos).
 * During the Doctor's song, I Am the Very Model of a Gallifreyan Buccaneer, he mentions many previous adventures in the lyrics
 * "I've been into the Death Zone and played the Game of Rassilon." (TV: The Five Doctors)
 * "In fact on some occasions I've held office presidentially." (TV: The Invasion of Time)
 * "I've overthrown dictators from Tobias Vaughn to Mavic Chen." (TV: The Invasion, The Daleks' Master Plan)
 * "I've rescued helpless maidens from the devastating Viking hoards." (TV: The Time Meddler)