Panda

Panda was a ten-inch-tall, fuzzy stuffed panda who travelled with Iris Wildthyme. For a time, Panda was a robot known as Clockwork Panda. (PROSE: Flasket Brinner and the Clockwork Heart, The Woman Who Sold the Moon et al)

Panda was quite sensitive over the fact that he was a toy, and being called a "bear" also upset him greatly. (AUDIO: Wildthyme at Large et al) Due to the fact that he had no fingers, Panda had to stick blu-tack onto his paws in order to turn pages of books. (PROSE: Iris Wildthyme and the Unholy Ghost)

Using X-rays, infrared, DNA sequencing, and deep tissue analysis, the Forge were unable to find any signs of life within Panda's body. (PROSE: Project: Wildthyme)

Panda would also express a sexual interest in Mida Slike, who he though was "gorgeous", (AUDIO: Wildthyme at Large) as well as having "splendid boobs". (PROSE: Iris Wildthyme and the Polythene Terror)

Early life
Panda was a cyborg. His kind were invented to journey into space with the children of star colonists. He was supposed to act as a protector and a teacher. (AUDIO: Muse of Fire)

Panda's homeland was China. (PROSE: The Delightful Bag)

Panda once had many adventures before his time living with Thomas Daley, a previous companion of Iris who had written novels about his and Iris' adventures. At that time, Panda was contemplating writing his memoirs, but this fell through... (AUDIO: Wildthyme at Large)

Travels with Iris and Tom
During the late 2000s, Iris returned to Tom, entrusting him with the Memory Crystal from the Mines of Marlion. Feeling guilty about the novels he wrote about Iris, Tom took Panda with him when he went to his publisher to relieve him of his contractual obligation to write more books. The publisher refused, getting livid with Tom, so he and Panda attempted to escape, but this was futile as they were soon captured.

Somewhat unexpectedly, Iris Wildthyme arrived in her bus, being controlled by the Head. The Head almost succeeded in taking the Memory Crystal from Tom, but Panda grabbed it, throwing it down hard onto the ground, shattering it, allowing Iris to save the day, and getting her memories back. (AUDIO: Wildthyme at Large)

He got annoyed when Iris kept calling him a stuffed toy. He was surprised that Tom picked up a girl. He felt for Jenny Winterleaf for only being known for her illness going through the vortex. He fell in love with Iris. Iris thought he was becoming the Tin Man from the Wizard of Oz. (AUDIO: The Devil in Ms. Wildthyme)

New adventures with Iris
After Tom returned to Earth to live his life as a journalist, Panda continued to travel with Iris. He got annoyed at the state of the bus. He wanted to be a DJ for Radio 4. (AUDIO: The Sound of Fear) When Iris was exiled to 1972 he became a journalist and helped Iris in her investigations. After meeting the White Rabbit and Mock Turtle he started to believe that Alice in Wonderland was real. (AUDIO: The Land of Wonder) He encountered Hilary Wildthyme disbelieving him to be Iris. He didn't feel himself after this event and took his hipflask with him everywhere. Roger the Naxian took him to Malaga. His hipflask was a link to the rehab dimension. (AUDIO: The Two Irises)

Several times, Panda got lost at the end of the universe, (PROSE: Future Legend) completely changed in size, (PROSE: The Shape of Things) and was killed (in fake realities designed to trap him). (PROSE: Framed)

San Francisco & Santa Claus
Panda sacrificed himself to save the multiverse from being invaded by his alternative selves by jumping into a rift in the Time Vortex while holding a bottle of Tonic water. (AUDIO: The Panda Invasion) Panda did not die as he had expected. He was saved by Iris Wildthyme and Santa. (AUDIO: Iris Wildthyme and the Claws of Santa)

Clockwork Panda
After the Steam Lords retro-fitted the Obverse to be a bit more steampunk, (PROSE: The Woman Who Sold the Moon) Panda became a robot that had been created by Flasket Brinner.

When Clockwork Panda's heart broke, Iris searched the multiverse for a replacement. (PROSE: Flasket Brinner and the Clockwork Heart) Iris and Panda encountered the Counter-Clockwork Yeti of Mrrm, impersonated Venusian ambassadors on the Moon, (PROSE: The Woman Who Sold the Moon) visited Skullvaria, (PROSE: The Story Sorters) and bumped into an entity. (PROSE: Being)

Facing the future Iris
When he and Iris arrived on the planet Trull, stalker Wayne Bland II tricked Iris into swapping their minds, unbeknownst to Panda. Iris, now being controlled by Wayne, became a celebrity on Trull, and Panda became the secretary of The Iris Wildthyme Appreciation Society. Through many confusing many confusing mind swaps later, Irs, now in Panda's body, stopped the great old one known as Kragoom from having sex with Trull. (AUDIO: The Iris Wildthyme Appreciation Society) He didn't understand why Iris would install a randomiser in the Celestial Omnibus that would make the ride more bumpy. (AUDIO: Iris Rides Out) He asked Iris to take him to earth to get a Pork Pie. Instead he was involved in a murder investigation. A future version of Iris captured them. (AUDIO: Midwinter Murders)

The future Iris captured Panda and her younger self and sent them to a Pleasure Prison, where the pair were immersed in separate virtual realities designed to provide their greatest desires. In this realm he had an autobiographer/PA called Amanda. He kept hearing Iris' voice and caused the future Iris' plans to fail. (AUDIO: Whatever Happened to Iris Wildthyme?) He joined Iris to a darts competition. He he met the Bovine race which meant he had only three species in his book of terrifying monsters left to see. (AUDIO: Iris at the Oche) He had a TV jingle stuck in his head. He became under the the spell of Lift. (AUDIO: A Lift in Time)

Adventures with Simon, Barbra and Iris
Panda was stuck on the bus when Iris investigated strange happenings in Darlington, knowing how the locals would react to him from their previous travels. He was able to help Iris though by relaying information from the bus. When Iris, Simon and Kelly travelled with him to an alternate Paris in 1894, he admitted that he enjoyed the bohemian atmosphere. He had to explain to Kelly the properties of time travel when she wanted to interfere. When the crew minus Kelly and Barbra travelled to Valcea he started to have bad dreams. After Anthony Marvelle vandalised the bus, Panda and Simon managed to slip through time to a Vince Cosmos concert and saved Vince from an assassination attempt by some Martians due to an ancient legend about Pandas. At the after party a future version of Iris arrived to tell them to get back to the bus. Back on Valcea, in the City of Glass he was tortured by the New Gods. He had to escaped with Iris and Simon when the bomb in Barbra was about to explode. He travelled with Iris and Simon to the planet Hyspero to follow Marvelle. (PROSE: Enter Wildthyme)

He travelled with Iris through the deserts of Hyspero to catch up with Marvelle. He was able to survive on very little food and could drive the bus but only when sitting on 5 pillows. When they found pub in the middle of the desert, he thought it looked like part of MIAOW. After he and Iris visted Fenster he wasn't sure why they followed him to Saga City. He wanted to go after Simon once he found out the Vizer of the Scarlet Empress took him. He thought that Saga City was a trap for Iris. (PROSE: Wildthyme Beyond!)

A secret mission
After dropping Panda off somewhere to complete a mission for her, Iris travelled with Jo Jones, and later with Captain Edwin Turner. (AUDIO: Find and Replace, An Extraterrestrial Werewolf in Belgium) After parting ways with Turner, she went looking for Panda, but couldn't find him. Instead, she encountered a human called Arthur Bayer, who had a voice very similar to Panda's. (AUDIO: Looking for a Friend)

Later life
At one point later in his life, Panda travelled to the Obverse and helped a young Iris discover her identity and flee the Clockworks in her bus. (PROSE: Wildthyme Beyond!)

One of Iris' future incarnations starred in a successful television series as well as several films. Panda only appeared in the pilot episode of the series before he was replaced by a kangaroo named Hoppy. (AUDIO: The Iris Wildthyme Appreciation Society)

Undated events
Jack told Ace that hippies helped put Panda on "the bus to space". (PROSE: Teenage Kicks)

Lionel Pandeau
One alternate version of Panda was the villainous Lionel Pandeau who used Iris's bus to summon an army of alternate Pandas to San francisco on New years eve, 1999. Amoung the countless versions of Panda to emerge were vampires, cyborgs and giants, who Pandeau intented to use to conquer the Multiverse.

Others Panda theorised to have been brought through the rift were traffic cop Panda, construction worker Panda and Native American Panda during his mocking of Pandeau's plans.

All Pandas were shown to have an aversion to Tonic water, demonstrated when Iris poured a whole bottle onto a vampire panda that had been assaulting hospital visitors. (AUDIO: The Panda Invasion)

The Gallery
Panda once found himself in a mysterious place known only as The Gallery, and Mister Heart kept repeatedly luring Panda into other worlds, in a ploy to capture Panda within a painting. In these worlds, Panda experienced being other versions of himself, including:

Chef Panda
This version of Panda hosted a show called What The F**k Do You Call That?, before his eventual death by choking on stuffing.

Art Critic Panda
This version of Panda was a judge for an art show. He had a relationship with Antoinette Bisby, who turned out to have an ulterior motive of exposing Panda and his fellow judges for being corrupt, and this broke Panda's heart, as he was genuinely in love with Antoinette, and he slit his throat with a piece of glass in despair.

Author Panda
This other version of Panda was an author who had just released a bestselling novel, but when a secret message was discovered in his book, Panda killed himself as he new he had no future.

As it turns out, Iris had spent seventy-four years deliberately causing the death of Panda within these worlds, so as to prevent Panda being trapped in a painting for all eternity. (PROSE: Framed)

Personality
Panda was usually bad-tempered. He took offence at being called a toy. Like Iris, Panda drank heavily, and always carried a hip flask of whisky with him, as he felt that it kept him safe through dark times. (AUDIO: The Two Irises) Panda resented being described as a bear and threatened to punch those whom he had felt insulted him "right up the hooter." (AUDIO: Wildthyme at Large, et. al)

Behind the scenes
Panda appears in a few of Paul Magrs' non-Iris Wildthyme but still DWU novels, including Brenda and Effie Forever! and The Story of Fester Cat.

In The Runaway HiFi, a piece of fan fiction that Magrs wrote for his blog, Panda is revealed to be HiFi. This story was later published in A Second Target for Tommy in 2018 by Obverse Books.