Aliens & Sex & Chips & Gravy (audio story)

Aliens & Sex & Chips & Gravy was the second audio episode of Aliens Among Us.

Publisher's summary
Has Cardiff really been invaded by aliens? Tyler thinks he's found a lead – the daughter of the mysterious Ro-Jedda is getting married and has booked a private party. If Torchwood can infiltrate it, there's a chance they'll end up closer to the truth. Free bar, canapes, and the chance to find out what's really going on. What could possibly go wrong? Soon Torchwood are on the run for their lives, and learning more than they ever wanted to about alien life.

Plot
Ng sits in a posh bar with Tyler, who tells her about his new job at the Mayor's office. Ng knows that the bar being the location of a rich alien's daughter's hen night and Tyler admits that the Mayor wants Torchwood to make sure it does not get out of hand. Mr Colchester arrives and dismisses Tyler, telling him that they were ahead of him and already knew about the hen night.

Mr Colchester makes a wager with Ng, betting £50 that the night will go badly. They begin to mingle when Madrigal runs over Mr Colchester's foot with her suitcase and tells him that she should leave. Meanwhile, Ng speaks to Todd and Gareth. Regrouping, Ng and Mr Colchester come to the conclusion that the aliens do not have spacecraft and that they still need the Rift for something.

Even more women arrive with suitcases and the hen night begins with the women all drink vodka. Mr Colchester is sceptical about them being aliens and thinks that Jack, whom he admits to not liking, is wrong about them. A stripper arrives and the women eat him. Brongwyn kills Dean and encourages Madrigal to eat what is left of him. Ng interrupts and Madrigal agrees with her. Mr Colchester drills into Bronwyn's suitcase, killing her, and Ng tells Madrigal and the others that they must behave if they want to stay in Cardiff.

Ng calls Andy to have the women arrested, but she and Mr Colchester flee in Colin's car with an armed Madrigal when they realise that a private security detail are after them. Madrigal has them stop to buy alcohol from an off licence and Mr Colchester calls Colin while waiting before they are forced to drive away from the angry shopkeeper. They hear on the news that the bar was firebombed and Red Doors presumed guilty, with fire drones killing any who escaped. Ng tries to call Tyler.

Mr Colchester refuses to continue driving away from the attackers and drinks some of Madrigal's vodka until she agrees to answer his questions, telling him that they are called the Sorvix and that they have come to Cardiff to find God. They go to a Sorvix rehabilitation clinic for Madrigal's friend, Quenel, whom her mother put into a coma before paying Brongwyn to be her new best friend. Looking for aspirin, they go to the hospital where Madrigal and Quenel fall asleep. When they wake up, they argue.

The four hear voices and run to a ward of dying patients where Quenel and Madrigal eat an old woman's tumour. Mr Colchester calls both Jack and Tyler, who are having sex, and asks Tyler to send the police to the hospital or else he will tell the news that there is an armed terrorist raid. The police arrive before a Sorvix is able to kill them.

Madrigal and Quenel tell Ng and Mr Colchester that they have come to find a new god as their old one left them down. Quenel leaves them by joining a man driving a truck. Madrigal, having been manipulated by Mr Colchester, stays and waits for her fiancé. When he arrives, she gives Ng and Mr Colchester a hug and says goodbye.

Mr Colchester drops Ng off. She is greeted by Mary, who has been babysitting Anwen and is worried about Ng, believing that there has been something wrong with her for the past few weeks. She asks Ng how she wants her tea, which she realises is strange given that she has known how she likes her tea for thirty years. Gwen tries to tell her to smile and leave it. Ng tells Mary that she can sometimes hear Gwen's voice in her head and Mary asks her who she is. Ng shoots her.

Cast

 * Captain Jack Harkness - John Barrowman
 * Mr Colchester - Paul Clayton
 * Ng - Alexandria Riley
 * Tyler Steele - Jonny Green
 * Gwen Cooper - Eve Myles
 * Madrigal - Sophie Colquhoun
 * Quenel - Rhian Marston-Jones
 * Brongwyn - Lu Corfield
 * Osian - Rhys Whomsley
 * Mary Cooper - Sharon Morgan

Continuity

 * Ng recalls Gwen Cooper getting "knocked up by an alien". (TV: Something Borrowed)
 * The crew of the Ice Maiden have "dumped" Jack. (COMIC: World Without End, Station Zero)